When i could hold the little cock in my mouth for more than a 20 count, Goddess told me to take off the pretty pink top and my white lace panties. She let me wear the pink leggings. She wanted me to feel pretty while i was hurting myself for Her.
Goddess made me put the adjustable nipple clamps on myself. Next, she told me to turn the adjusters one full turn. i started to but it hurt like hell after 1/2. i begged my Goddess to let me stop there and adjust to it. She told me no. i was to go one full turn. i did and stood there feeling it. On the screen, She typed 'breathe'. i did and it felt a little bit better. After a full minute, She had me turn another half turn. i did. After only a few seconds, She told me "another half turn". i did.
For the first time in many years, i felt my eyes start to tear up. i wasn't used to pain, certainly not this kind of pain. It was relentless, every breath started it up again. She teased me and told me to stroke my cock. i did. i was shocked that it got hard right away. She told me to turn another full turn. i panicked but did it. The feeling was amazing. The pain shot through me like electricity and my cock went limp.
When i told Her that, She commanded that i slide forward on the chair and hang my balls off the edge. She made me flick my balls hard. She counted to 20, i had to flick my balls once with each number. It was a strange kind of pain, something between a burn and a stomach ache. By the time She got to 20, i was ready to break our agreement and sign off. Then, She had me stroke my cock again. The feeling was wonderful and everything faded away again into a fog of pleasure.
Right about then, the clip slid off of my left nipple. i told my Goddess and she told me to reattach it. i did but it slid off again a few minutes later. Next time, She had me attach it horizontally but i slid off once more. She let it go while She turned her attention to other parts of my body.
My Goddess told me to attach the loose end of my right nipple chain to my right nut. Then, She made me attach the other pair to my left ball and nipple. She told me to get on my hands and knees and crawl around the basement. My cock liked the idea, it got stiff as i read Her Words. "Get on your knees and crawl around the basement. Keep going until you hear me come back on, you'll hear the IM ding." i turned up the volumen, then started to but fell back in the chair. As soon as i straightened up, the chains tightened and jerked the end that bit my nipple. i tried again and failed. The third time, i just slid to my knees on the floor. i stayed still for a moment, letting my body adjust, then moved my knee forward slowly. It hurt like hell but i told myself i'd adjust quickly. i did. By the time i got halfway around the desk, my cock was getting hard again. i circled the desk twice before She dinged and i crawled back into my chair. i was exhausted and hard and in pain, needing to jerk off to get some relief from what was going on.
In my mind, i felt that if i could get off, it would make the whole thing worth it. i realized that if i didn't get off soon, i'd have to face the thought that i was doing all of this: dressing up like a woman, hurting my cock and balls, mashing my nipples, doing all of this without an orgasm to make it worth it. i was doing it only to obey my Goddess. The thought made my head spin. i'd asked for this but it was a way to an orgasm. i wasn't a slave. And certainly not a pain slave.
When i got back into my chair, She had me rub my cock until it was hard and i was close to cumming. When i got to 9+, She made me stop. She had me take the clips off of my balls, then wrap rubber bands around my scrotum, stretching my balls until the skin was shiny and firm. She told me stand up and lean forward, my legs open and my balls hanging free. Then, She told me to get the riding crop and start smacking my balls. i froze. This was going too far too fast. i didn't type anything for a few seconds. She typed back, "now, slut." i felt my hand moving, obeying Her Orders. i picked the crop and swung it upward, hitting myself evenly against the bottom of both balls. It hurt but it wasn't terrible. i swung again, then a third time.
It started to hurt after five and i watched the screen, eager for Her to say 'enough'. i got to ten, then fifteen, then twenty. my eyes were wet again and my balls were in agony. 22… my cock was limp and all i wanted was for it to stop. 23… i typed 'plz Goddesss' with my left hand. 28… She wrote back "please what, my little pain slut?" 32… i kept whacking my balls while i typed as quickly as i could with 1 hand. 38… "please Goddess may i stop hitting my balls". 42… i watched the screen, eager and in pain. 43… 44… 45… 46… i wrestled with myself. If i asked again, She could easily say "no" to punish my insolence. But if i didn't ask, She might leave me like this forever. 48… 49… Before i could type anything, i read "stop". i almost collapsed from the relief. i typed "Thank You Goddess!" and dropped the crop.
"Cup them, slut, make them feel better," She typed. i did, leaning back in my chair. Before the pain could subside, She wrote: "put the clamps back on your balls, one on each side." It was hard, but i did it. "I noticed you loved pole dancing for me the other day," She typed. "Go to the pole in the basement. Wrap the chains around the pole. Connect the clamp at the other end to your opposite ball. Then, lean backwards, pulling the chains tight. Smack your cock 10 times, pulling the chains each time." i did what She said, the pain in my cock much worse than the pain in my balls. my cock hung between my legs, limp and red and in pain.
When i sat back down, my Goddess had me masturbate five times, stopping just before i came. After each time, my Goddess made me smack my balls 5 times, the hardest i had all night. By now, i was starting to understand what She was doing. She was not going to let me cum at all. She was enjoying Herself, making me do all of this with no intention of letting me cum. It was not what i'd signed up for, it wasn't what i wanted. i wanted to be dommed and feel what it was like, but i wanted to cum. That was the reason for it all, wasn't it?
She told me that She had one more thing for me to do then She would let me go to sleep. i asked Her when i would be allowed to cum. She wrote back "you are not going to cum tonight, pain slut." i sat and stared at the screen. It was a decision point. Did i want to go on with this if there wasn't a cum at the end? i'd dreamed about this for a long time, but now that i was in Her hands, i was having second thoughts.
"Get the crop," She wrote.
i stared at the screen. After a long time, She typed: "I am not finished with your body." When i read it, my cock got stiff. my decision was made for me. i simply typed 'y'.
"smack your worthless cock with the crop and do not stop until I say so."
i started swatting myself. i used the little leather loop at the end of the crop and learned how it felt. Then, i moved it slightly so i could feel the crop itself. The pain was different, not as sharp. After twenty or so swats, i started tearing up again. It felt bad, i felt like i wasn't putting enough effort into it. i'd dealt with pain before, banging my thumb with a hammer, dropping things on my toes, i could take this. i kept swatting, my body shaking now. i watched the screen in desperation for the word 'stop' but i didn't see it. i saw:
obey me slut
good pain slut
good whore
good pain whore
i typed 'plz' and 'please Goddess may i stop' and 'oh fuck it hurts Goddess' and all i got back was more 'good pain slut'.
When She finally typed 'stop' i did. It felt so odd. The pain had become my world, it had become normal and now i felt something was missing. i looked down at my cock. There was a small bruise at the base. It scared me. i'd never seen anything like that before. i didn't even want to cum anymore, i just wanted it to end.
My Goddess told me i'd done a good job and that She would expect me to report to her first thing in the morning to let me know how my body was feeling.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Thursday, May 9, 2013
a punana; the girl back home
The girl graduated from university, came back home and got a job teaching in a Catholic primary school. She did quieten down but, occasionally, she would go out with her friends at the weekend and had several one-night-stands.
Then she started dating and fell in love with H who was two years older than her and who played for the same Sunday morning football team as her brothers.
After several years they got engaged, bought a house and finally got married. The sex with H was good but was strictly vanilla. But the girl still had cravings and needs for pain and humiliation.
For a while she satisfied these needs by viewing on-line BDSM porn and visiting adult role-play chatrooms. A favourite was a slave auction room where she would private message a number between 1 – 20 to ‘the auctioneer’, he would call her up onto the auction block and she would give a brief description of herself. Any Dom interested would call out a number in the first round of bids and the first to call the correct number won the slave. She would follow the Dom into a ‘private room’ and would be under his/her control for as long as she was required.
What excited the girl was that she had no control on how the role-play went. Sometimes she would be required to describe giving the Dom a blow-job, sometimes T/they would role-play her being tied up and whipped. Some of the Doms would suddenly disappear from the room and the girl knew that they had been wanking as she described what she was doing but she had a rule that she would not masturbate unless the Dom ordered her to. After all, she was there for their pleasure, not her own.
But suddenly her computer started to prevent her entering these room; flashing up a message that they were corrupted by a malicious virus. So she started to look elsewhere. So she started to visit sites where people had posted erotic stories; choosing to read stories which featured women submissives or slaves and she would imagine herself to be the woman in the story being tortured, abused and humiliated.
If she particularly related to a story she would email the author to tell him or her how much their work had aroused her. More often than not she would get no reply and, even when she did get a reply; it would usually be a simple “thank you, glad you enjoyed it”.
But then she got a reply from an author who was interested in her; her life, her fantasies etc. and she entered into a regular email exchange with the man she came to know as Sir David.
He wrote short stories featuring a main character based on the girl and He started to copy a few of His friends into T/their emails – the first forming of The Circle.
Eventually, He put a proposition to the girl; was she willing to undertake a three week “training” exercise? She would be given assignments to perform and she would then have to report back to The Circle. The girl took a few days to consider His proposal but, deep down, she was never in any doubt that she would agree.
Very quickly it was decided that the girl was unworthy of a proper human name and so she given the slave-name of ‘a punana’.
The word punana is based on an Asian Indian word, punany, which means a woman’s vagina or cunt. From that moment on the girl had to refer to herself as ‘a punana’ or simply ‘it’, never ‘I’ or ‘me’.
This was all part of a process of deconstructing the intelligent, human woman and then replacing it with a trained, sub-human animal that it was always meant to be; 100% obedient to The Circle and, of course, to H.
The girl was about to become a punana!
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
painslut_jake: my first photo session
After my shopping trip was finished, i drove home as quickly as i could safely. i imagined once or twice what it would be like if i were pulled over by the police for speeding. That image fought with the pain in my bladder. my Goddess had ordered me to hold it until i got home. i noticed two or three times that i was rocking my legs side to side, doing what i could to hold it back. it felt childish and embarrassing. i was a grown man. i could pull off at any one of these exits and relieve myself. But i was committed to holding it. After waiting so long to find a mistress who would accept me, i couldn't imagine losing Her over such a small thing.
i parked the car and ran as fast as i could to the door. my hands were shaking. i dropped my keys and swore. i felt a few drops leak out when i bent over to pick them up. i got to the bathroom and stood there moaning as the stream shot into the bowl. it never felt so good before.
i went to my study and logged on. my Goddess was online, waiting! i sat down and told her i was home. She asked me to describe my house, room by room. i didn't understand but i went along with Her. When i finished, She made me go into the basement. i protested, telling her it was unfinished with concrete floors and probably ten degrees cooler than the rest of the house. She didn't even answer me. She just asked a few minutes and then asked "are you in the basement yet?"
i scurried down the stairs feeling like a little kid getting away with something or like an animal who'd been caught eating off the counter. i got to a work table, set down my laptop, and typed 'yes'. She told me to mark the time, then strip naked and wait. i did. the chair was an armless wooden chair and not very comfortable. my bare feet were chilly on the cold concrete floor.
She had me take pictures of each of the items i'd bought and send them to Her. When i finished, She told me to model the outfit i'd bought. Hearing her say the word 'model' got me going. All those feelings i had in the store came rushing back. Those girls' eyes on me. Her reaction when i asked her to sign the receipt. i picked up the pair of panties. They are white lace panties that cover most of my ass. There is a pretty, light blue bow in the front center. There is no visible waist band, i felt a single piece of stretch cord that held them together. i raised my left leg and put my foot through the hole, surprised by how embarrassed i was. i was sure i'd got all of that out of my system in the store but i was wrong. i put my right foot through the other hole and slid them up my thighs and over my bottom. They were slightly tight, i'd guessed at the size and was close.
i opened the box with the rest of my new outfit, the box with the top and leggings but no panties. i held up one of the leggings. They are pink and only long enough to cover from about halfway up my calf to just above my knee. i pulled up the one on the right, remembering the way i'd seen girlfriends do it - bunching the whole thing up then letting it out slowly, inch by inch, as i straightened my leg. The movement must have brought memories because it felt sexy. i smoothed it out and looked at my leg. i pointed my toe and flexed my thigh muscles. my cock started to respond. i was fucked up, this should not be turning me on.
i put on the other one a little quicker, then picked up the top. It was the same fishnet-type pink material. i slid my right arm in, then my left, and pulled what was left of it over my head. It barely covered my nipples. i pulled and adjusted by that was all there was. i looked at myself in the laptop camera lens. my neck was bare, the top was scoop necked so a lot of my chest showed. my nipples showed through the pink material, stiff and dark. my belly embarrassed me. 'you can't pull off that look, girlfriend' i heard a voice in my head say, then froze, ashamed and disturbed. i wanted to run upstairs and shave my chest, shave my legs, everything that hinted at 'male'.
When the outfit was on, my Goddess had me send Her pictures of myself in a variety of humiliating poses. By the fourth or fifth picture, i was feeling sexy. i spread my legs, squatted, stood with my hips tilted to the right, then to the left, trying to find a pose that said 'fuck me'. i looked around the basement for props. i found an old coatrack. The shaft was brass and about four inches around. i dragged it to where i was standing then set it up for more pictures. i pole danced with it, grinding my hips against it, pressing the cold metal against my bare thigh, feeling the chill and my cock getting stiff.
When i'd sent Her about a dozen shots, She told me to stop. She told me to get the ass dildo and the nipple clamps out of the bag and have them ready. i eagerly pulled them out, tore open the packages, and set them on the table in front of me.
She told me to push the ass dildo into my mouth and hold it there. i did but it was just long enough to hit the back of my throat. i gagged and took it out. She was patient but relentless with me. When i could hold it in my mouth without gagging, she told me to kneel in front of the desk and wait for further orders.
.
i parked the car and ran as fast as i could to the door. my hands were shaking. i dropped my keys and swore. i felt a few drops leak out when i bent over to pick them up. i got to the bathroom and stood there moaning as the stream shot into the bowl. it never felt so good before.
i went to my study and logged on. my Goddess was online, waiting! i sat down and told her i was home. She asked me to describe my house, room by room. i didn't understand but i went along with Her. When i finished, She made me go into the basement. i protested, telling her it was unfinished with concrete floors and probably ten degrees cooler than the rest of the house. She didn't even answer me. She just asked a few minutes and then asked "are you in the basement yet?"
i scurried down the stairs feeling like a little kid getting away with something or like an animal who'd been caught eating off the counter. i got to a work table, set down my laptop, and typed 'yes'. She told me to mark the time, then strip naked and wait. i did. the chair was an armless wooden chair and not very comfortable. my bare feet were chilly on the cold concrete floor.
She had me take pictures of each of the items i'd bought and send them to Her. When i finished, She told me to model the outfit i'd bought. Hearing her say the word 'model' got me going. All those feelings i had in the store came rushing back. Those girls' eyes on me. Her reaction when i asked her to sign the receipt. i picked up the pair of panties. They are white lace panties that cover most of my ass. There is a pretty, light blue bow in the front center. There is no visible waist band, i felt a single piece of stretch cord that held them together. i raised my left leg and put my foot through the hole, surprised by how embarrassed i was. i was sure i'd got all of that out of my system in the store but i was wrong. i put my right foot through the other hole and slid them up my thighs and over my bottom. They were slightly tight, i'd guessed at the size and was close.
i opened the box with the rest of my new outfit, the box with the top and leggings but no panties. i held up one of the leggings. They are pink and only long enough to cover from about halfway up my calf to just above my knee. i pulled up the one on the right, remembering the way i'd seen girlfriends do it - bunching the whole thing up then letting it out slowly, inch by inch, as i straightened my leg. The movement must have brought memories because it felt sexy. i smoothed it out and looked at my leg. i pointed my toe and flexed my thigh muscles. my cock started to respond. i was fucked up, this should not be turning me on.
i put on the other one a little quicker, then picked up the top. It was the same fishnet-type pink material. i slid my right arm in, then my left, and pulled what was left of it over my head. It barely covered my nipples. i pulled and adjusted by that was all there was. i looked at myself in the laptop camera lens. my neck was bare, the top was scoop necked so a lot of my chest showed. my nipples showed through the pink material, stiff and dark. my belly embarrassed me. 'you can't pull off that look, girlfriend' i heard a voice in my head say, then froze, ashamed and disturbed. i wanted to run upstairs and shave my chest, shave my legs, everything that hinted at 'male'.
When the outfit was on, my Goddess had me send Her pictures of myself in a variety of humiliating poses. By the fourth or fifth picture, i was feeling sexy. i spread my legs, squatted, stood with my hips tilted to the right, then to the left, trying to find a pose that said 'fuck me'. i looked around the basement for props. i found an old coatrack. The shaft was brass and about four inches around. i dragged it to where i was standing then set it up for more pictures. i pole danced with it, grinding my hips against it, pressing the cold metal against my bare thigh, feeling the chill and my cock getting stiff.
When i'd sent Her about a dozen shots, She told me to stop. She told me to get the ass dildo and the nipple clamps out of the bag and have them ready. i eagerly pulled them out, tore open the packages, and set them on the table in front of me.
She told me to push the ass dildo into my mouth and hold it there. i did but it was just long enough to hit the back of my throat. i gagged and took it out. She was patient but relentless with me. When i could hold it in my mouth without gagging, she told me to kneel in front of the desk and wait for further orders.
.
painslut_jake: my first assignment at an adult book store
my day was filled with anticipation of tonight's assignment. Work was a blur. my mind was filled with pictures of myself last night. i was living my first realtime experience as a submissive. The Goddess i had been chatting with for some days agreed to take me on as Her project.
To begin with, i spent the day with my cock and balls pulled through the front of my briefs. It felt amazing. Even better because i knew i was doing it for Her. i was allowed to use the toilet in the morning, but not after twelve noon. i also did not eat anything all day. The Goddess wanted me clean through and through.
When work was finished, i had two events to attend. Goddess knew that She would not be in direct contact with me until after nine p.m. i attended both events with my cock and balls exposed in the same way. By six p.m., i felt the stirrings in my bladder. By the time i was able to make contact at nine-thirty, i felt dangerously close to pissing myself.
Goddess ignored my pleas to use the toilet. She instructed me that i was to purchase some things at an adult book store. Pretty panties, a vibrating butt plug, nipple clamps, and a riding crop. And "anything else that is either very pretty or that I can use to cause you pain." i was excited and scared but knew i would comply.
The girls at the local stores know me and so i didn't want to shop there. i asked Goddess is it was all right for me to drive to a different one, about thirty miles from my home. She granted me permission with conditions. First, i was to go as quickly as possible so She would have the maximum time to play with Her toy when i got back home. Second, i was not to be allowed to piss until i finished shopping and returned home.
This scared me and i begged her to allow me to negotiate. i offered to change into the panties at the store if i could use their toilet. She said "no". i then asked if i could say something embarrassing to the clerks and earn my toilet that way. She agreed. If i told them that i was buying pretty things for myself because i am a pain slut and My Goddess sent me, i could use their toilet.
As i drove to the store, i became more and more aware of what i was doing. How the world as i knew it before was coming to an end. Could i actually go into a store like that and say anything even remotely like that? Would i do that? Had i turned myself over to Her so completely in just one day?
When I first saw the exit coming up on the right, i felt slightly nauseated. What was i doing? Then, i felt excited and my cock moved. A picture formed in my head. me standing at the counter while the two girls talked to each other about me. They were laughing and pointing at me and holding up the things i'd laid on the counter.
i parked the car. i took everything but one-hundred dollars out of my pockets. For some reason, i turned my logo t-shirt inside out. Some shred of sense of privacy i was holding onto. i walked in slowly, remembering the feelings i'd had in the past walking into those types of stores. This was so completely different. When i got in, i looked around. The girl behind the counter said "hello, let me know if i can help you find anything." i lowered my eyes and nodded. That was the first really had realization that this trip was different. In the past, i was buying videos or jerk off toys. This time, i was there to buy things to make me a pretty girl and things to hurt myself with. Any thing i said, any one thing, could tip her off. i tried to build up my courage thinking 'they perobably see this kid of thing all the time'. But i didn't believe it. They saw things, but not this kind of thing. Not a pain slut about to buy the toys the he would be using to abuse himself at the command of a Goddess he'd never met face to face. A male cyberslut, a male cyber-pain-slut.
There was only one other couple in the place. They were looking through the sex toys and videos. i went to the opposite side of the store, hoping they'd leave and nobody else would come in. i walked slowly through the women's sexy clothes. Memories of my walking through there came back. Fantasies i had about the women who would wear them, "if i brought this home, would she put it on?" or "maybe i could get a cyber girlfriend to buy this one and send me a pic."
This time was different. This time, my head was swimming with 'how would i look wearing that?' and 'would my Goddess find that sexy?' It felt strange but i embraced the strange, knowing it was just the beginning. i picked up a few of the packages and looked at prices and sizes. i realized i had no idea how to size these things. i wandered to the S&M toys and found a riding crop. i looked around. Nobody was looking. i whacked my palm. Then i did it again. Bold now, i whacked my leg, the right calf. i pictured myself in my room, later, with the Goddess telling me what to do. my cock stirred.
i looked at the nipple clamps and the like, compared prices, and bought a 3 pack of adjustables with chains, as Goddess had ordered. i looked around the store. The couple were still there, looking at lubes. i went to the anal vibrators. Goddess had send me a link to a specific type and i found it. Sadly, they only stocked one color - a bland grey. She told me to buy a pink or purple one, some girlie color. i had a flash of humiliation again as i decided to ask the girl at the register "do these come in pink?" i went back to the close out bins and found many pieces of women's clothes there. i found a pair of lacy white panties and felt myself getting excited. This was not what i expected. i knew i would like it but i felt myself getting hard. i loved the touch. i couldn't get a picture of myself wearing them but i knew i would love the feel. And i hoped Goddess would find me … i stopped before using the word 'pretty'. 'Attractive' is good enough. i found i was getting more and more excited looking at the various bits of sheer, tight, latex, and other garments. i wished my body was slimmer, like those Asian cross dressers i see on the internet. They pass so easily for girls and i felt a jab of envy. i caught myself. i was taking this too seriously. The sanity didn't last. The envy did.
From that point on, i was a pain slut on a mission. i let myself go then. i went to the dildoes and picked them up, felt their heft, imagined them in my ass. i thought about buying one and riding it on the way home. i took a breath. i had clear instructions.
When the couple finally left, the girl walked over to me. i was standing near the lubricants, about 20 feet from the girl's clothes. i decided to go for it. i said "um…well… ok, my girlfriend has decided we are going to playing some submission games, so she sent me here to … " i paused, watching her. She wasn't responding at all, simply listening. Either being professional or "I've heard it all before." i felt let down somehow. i felt like this was just another customer doing just another thing. i wanted her to look at me the way i felt. i wanted her to laugh and call me a slut. i don't know where it came from but it was powerful. i wanted to shock her.
But no shocking words came. i walked to the wall and pointed at a few things and asked, "do you think that would fit?" She talked about some of the sets and the sizes, calm and helpful. We walked to another wall and showed me a nice 3 piece set. Panties, bra, corset. "Do you want to see it out of the package and judge the size?" she asked. i nodded, demure and still feeling ignored. "So, is she about this size?" she asked.
i realized at that point, she hadn't heard me. Her assumptions had won out over her ears. And i knew exactly what Goddess would want me to do, so i did it, "no, it's for me. Will it fit me?" i asked. She froze. Only for a second or two, but she froze. She finished up the conversation and went back to the register fairly quickly. i walked over and asked her about lubes. She'd regained her composure and went into a sales pitch to upgrade me to a new type. i felt excited. i'd got a reaction. i was a slut! i was a sub! i was a whore!
i chose one of the lubes and we walked to the register. She opened the anal vibe. i folded my hands and dropped my eyes, doing my best to show an embarrassment i didn't really feel. She looked at me. For a second, there was a glimmer of amusement, she looked at me like what i was becoming. i felt like i'd been electrified, it was so fucking hot! She turned on the anal vibe and handed it to me. Our eyes met and i felt it again. She knew, but she was either too blase or professional to really really let on. i felt it, held it tight, made a circle with my finger and pushed it through, handed it back. No real response from her.
That was almost it, i thought. But it wasn't.
One of the sexy things i'd bought was a package with panties, top, and leggings. She said, "did you see that the panties are missing?" i nodded and said quietly, "yes". She looked at me and asked "would you like to take out the other pieces and see them?" i nearly came in my pants, the rush was so strong. She may as well have asked if i wanted to try them on. i turned my head and whispered "no" dramatically, to see what it felt like. It felt good.
Just as she was finishing, another girl came to the register. She was blond, early 20s. She may have been there the whole time or just came on shift. She watched the girl packing things in the bag and gave me a look. my mind flooded with fantasies of the two of them saying things, doing things, making me do things. Nothing happened. The girl who rang me up started a conversation with the blond girl.
i was so so dedicated to being humiliated, i invented one more assignment. "Excuse me," i said. She stopped and they both turned and stared. i chickened out and instead of "my Goddess" or even "my Mistress", i said, "my girlfriend wants to make sure I didn't send someone else to buy this, so would you please sign the receipt "purchased by Jake". They looked at each other, puzzled. i wished they'd laughed. She signed it and handed it to me. It felt wonderfully humiliating. They were silent as i walked to the door. i turned around and saw they were both staring. i wished they'd said more.
To begin with, i spent the day with my cock and balls pulled through the front of my briefs. It felt amazing. Even better because i knew i was doing it for Her. i was allowed to use the toilet in the morning, but not after twelve noon. i also did not eat anything all day. The Goddess wanted me clean through and through.
When work was finished, i had two events to attend. Goddess knew that She would not be in direct contact with me until after nine p.m. i attended both events with my cock and balls exposed in the same way. By six p.m., i felt the stirrings in my bladder. By the time i was able to make contact at nine-thirty, i felt dangerously close to pissing myself.
Goddess ignored my pleas to use the toilet. She instructed me that i was to purchase some things at an adult book store. Pretty panties, a vibrating butt plug, nipple clamps, and a riding crop. And "anything else that is either very pretty or that I can use to cause you pain." i was excited and scared but knew i would comply.
The girls at the local stores know me and so i didn't want to shop there. i asked Goddess is it was all right for me to drive to a different one, about thirty miles from my home. She granted me permission with conditions. First, i was to go as quickly as possible so She would have the maximum time to play with Her toy when i got back home. Second, i was not to be allowed to piss until i finished shopping and returned home.
This scared me and i begged her to allow me to negotiate. i offered to change into the panties at the store if i could use their toilet. She said "no". i then asked if i could say something embarrassing to the clerks and earn my toilet that way. She agreed. If i told them that i was buying pretty things for myself because i am a pain slut and My Goddess sent me, i could use their toilet.
As i drove to the store, i became more and more aware of what i was doing. How the world as i knew it before was coming to an end. Could i actually go into a store like that and say anything even remotely like that? Would i do that? Had i turned myself over to Her so completely in just one day?
When I first saw the exit coming up on the right, i felt slightly nauseated. What was i doing? Then, i felt excited and my cock moved. A picture formed in my head. me standing at the counter while the two girls talked to each other about me. They were laughing and pointing at me and holding up the things i'd laid on the counter.
i parked the car. i took everything but one-hundred dollars out of my pockets. For some reason, i turned my logo t-shirt inside out. Some shred of sense of privacy i was holding onto. i walked in slowly, remembering the feelings i'd had in the past walking into those types of stores. This was so completely different. When i got in, i looked around. The girl behind the counter said "hello, let me know if i can help you find anything." i lowered my eyes and nodded. That was the first really had realization that this trip was different. In the past, i was buying videos or jerk off toys. This time, i was there to buy things to make me a pretty girl and things to hurt myself with. Any thing i said, any one thing, could tip her off. i tried to build up my courage thinking 'they perobably see this kid of thing all the time'. But i didn't believe it. They saw things, but not this kind of thing. Not a pain slut about to buy the toys the he would be using to abuse himself at the command of a Goddess he'd never met face to face. A male cyberslut, a male cyber-pain-slut.
There was only one other couple in the place. They were looking through the sex toys and videos. i went to the opposite side of the store, hoping they'd leave and nobody else would come in. i walked slowly through the women's sexy clothes. Memories of my walking through there came back. Fantasies i had about the women who would wear them, "if i brought this home, would she put it on?" or "maybe i could get a cyber girlfriend to buy this one and send me a pic."
This time was different. This time, my head was swimming with 'how would i look wearing that?' and 'would my Goddess find that sexy?' It felt strange but i embraced the strange, knowing it was just the beginning. i picked up a few of the packages and looked at prices and sizes. i realized i had no idea how to size these things. i wandered to the S&M toys and found a riding crop. i looked around. Nobody was looking. i whacked my palm. Then i did it again. Bold now, i whacked my leg, the right calf. i pictured myself in my room, later, with the Goddess telling me what to do. my cock stirred.
i looked at the nipple clamps and the like, compared prices, and bought a 3 pack of adjustables with chains, as Goddess had ordered. i looked around the store. The couple were still there, looking at lubes. i went to the anal vibrators. Goddess had send me a link to a specific type and i found it. Sadly, they only stocked one color - a bland grey. She told me to buy a pink or purple one, some girlie color. i had a flash of humiliation again as i decided to ask the girl at the register "do these come in pink?" i went back to the close out bins and found many pieces of women's clothes there. i found a pair of lacy white panties and felt myself getting excited. This was not what i expected. i knew i would like it but i felt myself getting hard. i loved the touch. i couldn't get a picture of myself wearing them but i knew i would love the feel. And i hoped Goddess would find me … i stopped before using the word 'pretty'. 'Attractive' is good enough. i found i was getting more and more excited looking at the various bits of sheer, tight, latex, and other garments. i wished my body was slimmer, like those Asian cross dressers i see on the internet. They pass so easily for girls and i felt a jab of envy. i caught myself. i was taking this too seriously. The sanity didn't last. The envy did.
From that point on, i was a pain slut on a mission. i let myself go then. i went to the dildoes and picked them up, felt their heft, imagined them in my ass. i thought about buying one and riding it on the way home. i took a breath. i had clear instructions.
When the couple finally left, the girl walked over to me. i was standing near the lubricants, about 20 feet from the girl's clothes. i decided to go for it. i said "um…well… ok, my girlfriend has decided we are going to playing some submission games, so she sent me here to … " i paused, watching her. She wasn't responding at all, simply listening. Either being professional or "I've heard it all before." i felt let down somehow. i felt like this was just another customer doing just another thing. i wanted her to look at me the way i felt. i wanted her to laugh and call me a slut. i don't know where it came from but it was powerful. i wanted to shock her.
But no shocking words came. i walked to the wall and pointed at a few things and asked, "do you think that would fit?" She talked about some of the sets and the sizes, calm and helpful. We walked to another wall and showed me a nice 3 piece set. Panties, bra, corset. "Do you want to see it out of the package and judge the size?" she asked. i nodded, demure and still feeling ignored. "So, is she about this size?" she asked.
i realized at that point, she hadn't heard me. Her assumptions had won out over her ears. And i knew exactly what Goddess would want me to do, so i did it, "no, it's for me. Will it fit me?" i asked. She froze. Only for a second or two, but she froze. She finished up the conversation and went back to the register fairly quickly. i walked over and asked her about lubes. She'd regained her composure and went into a sales pitch to upgrade me to a new type. i felt excited. i'd got a reaction. i was a slut! i was a sub! i was a whore!
i chose one of the lubes and we walked to the register. She opened the anal vibe. i folded my hands and dropped my eyes, doing my best to show an embarrassment i didn't really feel. She looked at me. For a second, there was a glimmer of amusement, she looked at me like what i was becoming. i felt like i'd been electrified, it was so fucking hot! She turned on the anal vibe and handed it to me. Our eyes met and i felt it again. She knew, but she was either too blase or professional to really really let on. i felt it, held it tight, made a circle with my finger and pushed it through, handed it back. No real response from her.
That was almost it, i thought. But it wasn't.
One of the sexy things i'd bought was a package with panties, top, and leggings. She said, "did you see that the panties are missing?" i nodded and said quietly, "yes". She looked at me and asked "would you like to take out the other pieces and see them?" i nearly came in my pants, the rush was so strong. She may as well have asked if i wanted to try them on. i turned my head and whispered "no" dramatically, to see what it felt like. It felt good.
Just as she was finishing, another girl came to the register. She was blond, early 20s. She may have been there the whole time or just came on shift. She watched the girl packing things in the bag and gave me a look. my mind flooded with fantasies of the two of them saying things, doing things, making me do things. Nothing happened. The girl who rang me up started a conversation with the blond girl.
i was so so dedicated to being humiliated, i invented one more assignment. "Excuse me," i said. She stopped and they both turned and stared. i chickened out and instead of "my Goddess" or even "my Mistress", i said, "my girlfriend wants to make sure I didn't send someone else to buy this, so would you please sign the receipt "purchased by Jake". They looked at each other, puzzled. i wished they'd laughed. She signed it and handed it to me. It felt wonderfully humiliating. They were silent as i walked to the door. i turned around and saw they were both staring. i wished they'd said more.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Little Pain Fuck Whore
I've felt bored the past few days so I
decided to find something to play with. A nice little piece of pain
meat presented itself to me and I decided to indulge myself. I didn't
think he would obey and follow thru with what I told him to do, but I
was mildly impressed with his desire to please me. I make him call me
his Goddess. He has turned into my little pain fuck whore.
I put him thru some rather harsh orders
after he said he thought about having his ass beat while doing
dishes. Last night he had clothes pins on his scrotum and nipples. I
made him ride a wooden horse, grinding his worthless ass and ball
sack against the edge of a wooden chair. There were ball smacks, tied
up balls and cock and prolonged orgasm denial.
I was amused. So when I had a number of
emails from him this morning I decided to see just what he would
really do to please me. He was only allowed to pee once this morning,
smacking his balls 5 times before and after. Then he went about his
day stewing in his thoughts.
This evening he messaged me and told me
he was 15 minutes from an adult store so I decided to give him a
shopping list.
Vibrating anal plug in pink or purple
or some girlie color
Nipple clamps with connecting chain
Riding crop
A pair of girlie panties. The girlier
the better
I told him if he found anything else
that he thought would please his Goddess he should also purchase it.
He then started begging to be allowed
to relieve himself. Saying that if he were to wear the girlie panties
home if then I would allow him to piss. I agreed to those terms and
told him if he didn't find any that he would just have to suffer on
the drive home. The little slut started begging more saying he would
never make it home. I decided to be so nice to him. I told him if
when he was making his purchases he told the cashier that he was
buying these items to go home and be a little pain whore for his
Goddess that he would be allowed to piss.
He had to do all of this with his
worthless cock and balls pulled thru his underwear so they were
rubbing against his jeans while he walked thru the store.
He's been told to make a report of his
shopping trip.
Then he gets to suffer for my enjoyment simply because
I'm bored.
Tiffany
XXXX
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
anne: her introductory letter
As with all new submissives to the Circle, anne was instructed to prepare and send a letter of introduction to the members who would be watching her training. This is what she sent:
[from anne's email October 20, 2012]
To the Masters and Mistresses of the Circle,
I wish to introduce myself as instructed.
My name is anne and I am Master David's cunt that he has so graciously agreed to train and use for the next 14 days.
I have a wide variety of likes and enjoyments when it comes to sexual acts. Master David has been kind enough to share with you some information about me and I am grateful for his expectations of my openness and honesty.
I have one simple vibrator, three different sized but plugs, a large collection of clothespins, adjustable nipple clamps connected by a chain, icy hot and various cords, shoe strings and other items for tying and restraining.
When I am feeling naughty and in need of an orgasm, I am always causing some pain or discomfort to myself. I pinch, twist, pull and flick my nipples till they are very sensitive. I use my vibrator so I can imagine someone else in control of my body and my orgasm. I never just let myself cum. I always make myself wait and earn my orgasm. I will push myself to the edge and then remove the vibrator from my clit. I then force myself to endure some kind of task that I imagine being forced to do. Every time is something different. I have covered my tits in clothes pins and then flicked, smacked and twisted them till I was shaking in pain. Thinking the whole time of being watched as I suffer pain and humiliation for someone else's pleasure. I have used clothespins on my cunt lips and then administered slaps and felt the humiliation of knowing I will wear those marks for days to come. Knowing the whole time that I am not allowed an orgasm till I have completed my tasks.
My downfall is that after an orgasm I can not face more pain. Master David has made a very accurate assumption that I would be aroused reading his email to The Circle about needing to experience pain at someone else's hand. The thought of being taken and having no control both frightens me and makes my cunt drip with need and want.
I wish to thank The Circle in advance for being a part of my training and humiliation for the next 14 days. My hope is that I please Master David and The Circle with the completion and reports of my assignments. Please enjoy my suffering of humiliation and pain for your enjoyment.
anne
[from anne's email October 20, 2012]
To the Masters and Mistresses of the Circle,
I wish to introduce myself as instructed.
My name is anne and I am Master David's cunt that he has so graciously agreed to train and use for the next 14 days.
I have a wide variety of likes and enjoyments when it comes to sexual acts. Master David has been kind enough to share with you some information about me and I am grateful for his expectations of my openness and honesty.
I have one simple vibrator, three different sized but plugs, a large collection of clothespins, adjustable nipple clamps connected by a chain, icy hot and various cords, shoe strings and other items for tying and restraining.
When I am feeling naughty and in need of an orgasm, I am always causing some pain or discomfort to myself. I pinch, twist, pull and flick my nipples till they are very sensitive. I use my vibrator so I can imagine someone else in control of my body and my orgasm. I never just let myself cum. I always make myself wait and earn my orgasm. I will push myself to the edge and then remove the vibrator from my clit. I then force myself to endure some kind of task that I imagine being forced to do. Every time is something different. I have covered my tits in clothes pins and then flicked, smacked and twisted them till I was shaking in pain. Thinking the whole time of being watched as I suffer pain and humiliation for someone else's pleasure. I have used clothespins on my cunt lips and then administered slaps and felt the humiliation of knowing I will wear those marks for days to come. Knowing the whole time that I am not allowed an orgasm till I have completed my tasks.
My downfall is that after an orgasm I can not face more pain. Master David has made a very accurate assumption that I would be aroused reading his email to The Circle about needing to experience pain at someone else's hand. The thought of being taken and having no control both frightens me and makes my cunt drip with need and want.
I wish to thank The Circle in advance for being a part of my training and humiliation for the next 14 days. My hope is that I please Master David and The Circle with the completion and reports of my assignments. Please enjoy my suffering of humiliation and pain for your enjoyment.
anne
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)