my day was filled with anticipation of tonight's assignment. Work was a blur. my mind was filled with pictures of myself last night. i was living my first realtime experience as a submissive. The Goddess i had been chatting with for some days agreed to take me on as Her project.
To begin with, i spent the day with my cock and balls pulled through the front of my briefs. It felt amazing. Even better because i knew i was doing it for Her. i was allowed to use the toilet in the morning, but not after twelve noon. i also did not eat anything all day. The Goddess wanted me clean through and through.
When work was finished, i had two events to attend. Goddess knew that She would not be in direct contact with me until after nine p.m. i attended both events with my cock and balls exposed in the same way. By six p.m., i felt the stirrings in my bladder. By the time i was able to make contact at nine-thirty, i felt dangerously close to pissing myself.
Goddess ignored my pleas to use the toilet. She instructed me that i was to purchase some things at an adult book store. Pretty panties, a vibrating butt plug, nipple clamps, and a riding crop. And "anything else that is either very pretty or that I can use to cause you pain." i was excited and scared but knew i would comply.
The girls at the local stores know me and so i didn't want to shop there. i asked Goddess is it was all right for me to drive to a different one, about thirty miles from my home. She granted me permission with conditions. First, i was to go as quickly as possible so She would have the maximum time to play with Her toy when i got back home. Second, i was not to be allowed to piss until i finished shopping and returned home.
This scared me and i begged her to allow me to negotiate. i offered to change into the panties at the store if i could use their toilet. She said "no". i then asked if i could say something embarrassing to the clerks and earn my toilet that way. She agreed. If i told them that i was buying pretty things for myself because i am a pain slut and My Goddess sent me, i could use their toilet.
As i drove to the store, i became more and more aware of what i was doing. How the world as i knew it before was coming to an end. Could i actually go into a store like that and say anything even remotely like that? Would i do that? Had i turned myself over to Her so completely in just one day?
When I first saw the exit coming up on the right, i felt slightly nauseated. What was i doing? Then, i felt excited and my cock moved. A picture formed in my head. me standing at the counter while the two girls talked to each other about me. They were laughing and pointing at me and holding up the things i'd laid on the counter.
i parked the car. i took everything but one-hundred dollars out of my pockets. For some reason, i turned my logo t-shirt inside out. Some shred of sense of privacy i was holding onto. i walked in slowly, remembering the feelings i'd had in the past walking into those types of stores. This was so completely different. When i got in, i looked around. The girl behind the counter said "hello, let me know if i can help you find anything." i lowered my eyes and nodded. That was the first really had realization that this trip was different. In the past, i was buying videos or jerk off toys. This time, i was there to buy things to make me a pretty girl and things to hurt myself with. Any thing i said, any one thing, could tip her off. i tried to build up my courage thinking 'they perobably see this kid of thing all the time'. But i didn't believe it. They saw things, but not this kind of thing. Not a pain slut about to buy the toys the he would be using to abuse himself at the command of a Goddess he'd never met face to face. A male cyberslut, a male cyber-pain-slut.
There was only one other couple in the place. They were looking through the sex toys and videos. i went to the opposite side of the store, hoping they'd leave and nobody else would come in. i walked slowly through the women's sexy clothes. Memories of my walking through there came back. Fantasies i had about the women who would wear them, "if i brought this home, would she put it on?" or "maybe i could get a cyber girlfriend to buy this one and send me a pic."
This time was different. This time, my head was swimming with 'how would i look wearing that?' and 'would my Goddess find that sexy?' It felt strange but i embraced the strange, knowing it was just the beginning. i picked up a few of the packages and looked at prices and sizes. i realized i had no idea how to size these things. i wandered to the S&M toys and found a riding crop. i looked around. Nobody was looking. i whacked my palm. Then i did it again. Bold now, i whacked my leg, the right calf. i pictured myself in my room, later, with the Goddess telling me what to do. my cock stirred.
i looked at the nipple clamps and the like, compared prices, and bought a 3 pack of adjustables with chains, as Goddess had ordered. i looked around the store. The couple were still there, looking at lubes. i went to the anal vibrators. Goddess had send me a link to a specific type and i found it. Sadly, they only stocked one color - a bland grey. She told me to buy a pink or purple one, some girlie color. i had a flash of humiliation again as i decided to ask the girl at the register "do these come in pink?" i went back to the close out bins and found many pieces of women's clothes there. i found a pair of lacy white panties and felt myself getting excited. This was not what i expected. i knew i would like it but i felt myself getting hard. i loved the touch. i couldn't get a picture of myself wearing them but i knew i would love the feel. And i hoped Goddess would find me … i stopped before using the word 'pretty'. 'Attractive' is good enough. i found i was getting more and more excited looking at the various bits of sheer, tight, latex, and other garments. i wished my body was slimmer, like those Asian cross dressers i see on the internet. They pass so easily for girls and i felt a jab of envy. i caught myself. i was taking this too seriously. The sanity didn't last. The envy did.
From that point on, i was a pain slut on a mission. i let myself go then. i went to the dildoes and picked them up, felt their heft, imagined them in my ass. i thought about buying one and riding it on the way home. i took a breath. i had clear instructions.
When the couple finally left, the girl walked over to me. i was standing near the lubricants, about 20 feet from the girl's clothes. i decided to go for it. i said "um…well… ok, my girlfriend has decided we are going to playing some submission games, so she sent me here to … " i paused, watching her. She wasn't responding at all, simply listening. Either being professional or "I've heard it all before." i felt let down somehow. i felt like this was just another customer doing just another thing. i wanted her to look at me the way i felt. i wanted her to laugh and call me a slut. i don't know where it came from but it was powerful. i wanted to shock her.
But no shocking words came. i walked to the wall and pointed at a few things and asked, "do you think that would fit?" She talked about some of the sets and the sizes, calm and helpful. We walked to another wall and showed me a nice 3 piece set. Panties, bra, corset. "Do you want to see it out of the package and judge the size?" she asked. i nodded, demure and still feeling ignored. "So, is she about this size?" she asked.
i realized at that point, she hadn't heard me. Her assumptions had won out over her ears. And i knew exactly what Goddess would want me to do, so i did it, "no, it's for me. Will it fit me?" i asked. She froze. Only for a second or two, but she froze. She finished up the conversation and went back to the register fairly quickly. i walked over and asked her about lubes. She'd regained her composure and went into a sales pitch to upgrade me to a new type. i felt excited. i'd got a reaction. i was a slut! i was a sub! i was a whore!
i chose one of the lubes and we walked to the register. She opened the anal vibe. i folded my hands and dropped my eyes, doing my best to show an embarrassment i didn't really feel. She looked at me. For a second, there was a glimmer of amusement, she looked at me like what i was becoming. i felt like i'd been electrified, it was so fucking hot! She turned on the anal vibe and handed it to me. Our eyes met and i felt it again. She knew, but she was either too blase or professional to really really let on. i felt it, held it tight, made a circle with my finger and pushed it through, handed it back. No real response from her.
That was almost it, i thought. But it wasn't.
One of the sexy things i'd bought was a package with panties, top, and leggings. She said, "did you see that the panties are missing?" i nodded and said quietly, "yes". She looked at me and asked "would you like to take out the other pieces and see them?" i nearly came in my pants, the rush was so strong. She may as well have asked if i wanted to try them on. i turned my head and whispered "no" dramatically, to see what it felt like. It felt good.
Just as she was finishing, another girl came to the register. She was blond, early 20s. She may have been there the whole time or just came on shift. She watched the girl packing things in the bag and gave me a look. my mind flooded with fantasies of the two of them saying things, doing things, making me do things. Nothing happened. The girl who rang me up started a conversation with the blond girl.
i was so so dedicated to being humiliated, i invented one more assignment. "Excuse me," i said. She stopped and they both turned and stared. i chickened out and instead of "my Goddess" or even "my Mistress", i said, "my girlfriend wants to make sure I didn't send someone else to buy this, so would you please sign the receipt "purchased by Jake". They looked at each other, puzzled. i wished they'd laughed. She signed it and handed it to me. It felt wonderfully humiliating. They were silent as i walked to the door. i turned around and saw they were both staring. i wished they'd said more.
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