my Mistress took the time to send me another Email. In it, She outlined something She wants me to do. She understands i am eager to please Her, but that i cannot attempt this until next week. Her Words are here:
I just wanted to let my little whore know I've thought of something I'd love for my pain slut to do. I don't know if you have a massaging shower hand wand in your shower, but if you do not, then get one as soon as possible.
Turn it on the hard solid throbbing stream. Aim it right at your balls. With the water set all the way to cold. Then squat in the shower and aim the cold stream right at your greedy ass cunt.
While you're squatting you will go between your greedy little cunt and balls. Teasing and torturing yourself till you can't squat any more.
You may wait until next week, but I expect a report by Wednesday.
My Goddess's Suggestion scares me. i fear that the ice cold water will freeze my balls and i will not be able to feel the sweet Pain She offers me from the hard, solid stream. i am blushing to admit that i reread Her Email several times, my excitement growing with each read. i can feel the stream of water at my anus, pushing, probing, insistent on penetration. i can feel my hole wanting to clench against the cold while at the same time wanting to open, hungry to be penetrated.
i am very excited.
Showing posts with label Jake Lacy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jake Lacy. Show all posts
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Friday, May 17, 2013
My Little Ass Slut's Week
I've chosen to let my new toy languish for the last week. He seems to be getting desperate. He's emailed me several times and has also approached other members of the Circle. He doesn't know I know that. He will know if he reads this blog.
I am quite looking forward to another session of watching him smack his balls until he's swimming in pain. I may invite the rest of the Circle to be on the chat as well. None of the men on the list have shown any real interest in male submissives, so they may decline. As the women are mostly submissive, I am considering whether or not to command them to attend. They might learn something.
I'm attaching an enticement for the men of the Circle. Do you find this appealing at all? I think our jake looks quite good in these, don't you?
I am quite looking forward to another session of watching him smack his balls until he's swimming in pain. I may invite the rest of the Circle to be on the chat as well. None of the men on the list have shown any real interest in male submissives, so they may decline. As the women are mostly submissive, I am considering whether or not to command them to attend. They might learn something.
I'm attaching an enticement for the men of the Circle. Do you find this appealing at all? I think our jake looks quite good in these, don't you?
Sunday, May 12, 2013
painslut_jake: finally, sweeet release
i want to thank my Goddess for finally letting me masturbate to orgasm today. It happened like this:
i made arrangements for two hours of alone-time today. i emailed my Goddess and told Her i would be online at noon. i begged Her to meet me in a chat and abuse me to Her Delight. She graciously agreed. When i got online, She was there.
i typed my assigned opening line: "Goddess, may i entertain You?" Without hesitation, She typed "get naked." i stripped off my pants, shirt, underpants, shirt and socks and put a towel on the chair. i sat back down and typed "done Goddess."
She asked me why i hadn't sent Her a description of my masturbation attempt last night. i told Her i had posted it. She told me to pinch my nipples hard and hold them while She read my post.
i sat for over four minutes, pinching myself. my left nipple always slides out from my fingers, even from nipple clamps, and i was constantly readjusting my grip. Each new re-grip sent another wave of new pain through me. Even thought i tried hard not to, my eyes were watering by the time She said 'let go." This is what i read from My Goddess while i abused my nipples:
pinch long and hard slut
my little slut couldn't cum from vanilla, could he?
couldn't empty his sore and full balls without the naughty little thoughts and actions he's come to crave?
think how much cum would have surged from you if you'd managed to cum
think how good you would have felt
but you couldn't, could you?
not while thinking vanilla thoughts.
My Goddess had me hang my balls over the edge of the chair. "Rub them," She said. i touched my balls with the palm of my hand and began rubbing softly. my cock sprang to life. it had never done that before, not like this. i was puzzled, wondered what i was reacting to.
She asked me whether or not i was still interested in pain, or if i wanted to stop and go back to jerking off the way normal guys do. A little embarrassed, i found myself typing: "i need my balls smacked by You, Goddess". She asked, "are you certain?" Hesitantly, i typed "yes".
The rest of the hour was filled with pain, and eventually pleasure.
She began by having me smack my balls as the hung over the edge of the chair. She counted each stroke on the screen. She alternated the strokes, six or seven in a row, fast, then a pause, then three or four slow ones. She got to 35 before She "lost count" and told me She would start again at 1. She started again, a group of fast ones, then a pause. i was going insane. my body would adjust to the onslaught of my palm smacking my balls, then, just as it adjusted, She would slow down, or, even worse, stop. my world would shift again, the feelings fresh everywhere between my legs. After the pause, She started up again. The pain was like the first time, stomach turning and shooting all through my belly and thighs.
The thing that threw me off was the way my cock responded. It was stiff and jerking in the air. i didn't know what to think, it must have been a physiological reaction. Either that or i was adjusting to the pain. Liking it? Craving it? i pushed the thought out of my head and watched the numbers on the screen. "Do you want more, slut?" i typed, "yes, Goddess, please, please more."
She paused and told me to hold my fingers around my ball sack like they were rubber bands. i told Her that i had rubber bands nearby. She just typed "pain whore". i blushed and typed 'y'. "you want them on, don't you?" i typed, 'y'. "Do it."
i wrestled with my balls for a while. The sack was tight and my balls had gone up inside my body, probably trying to avoid the beating. i stretched my sack flesh, tried to relax, felt for my balls. As they dropped, i took a small rubber band and snapped it around the sack, trapping the balls below. i used a second then a third to squeeze the sack as tight as i could, my balls swelling in the smooth-skinned sack below.
She told me to start smacking them slowly, adjusting until the pain was about 8. i typed 'y' and started smacking my balls. After the third, i saw Her type '1' on the screen. i'd been so anxious i'd started without Her. i didn't tell Her, there was no need. i just started at 1 again, grateful for Her Attention.
When She got to 5, She asked me how i was feeling. "scared" i typed. "Why?" I answered, "That You will make me go to pain level 10 or that i will lost control and won't be able to stop when You tell me to."
"Are you more afraid that you will not be able to stop, or that you will not want to stop?"
i froze. She was right. i was afraid i was going to love it. What would that say about me? That i was loving smacking my own balls with my hand. That it made me hard, my cock stiffen and twitch? But i typed the truth: "Goddess, i am afraid i will not want to stop, that i will be unable to because i will crave it."
The screen didn't move for several seconds. i stared at what i'd written. Was it true? Was i becoming that?
"You will stop when I tell you to stop because you are an obedient little whore."
I typed "y".
She told me to begin. She typed 1 2 3 4, indicating fast smacks. i did it, feeling the pain starting up again. it hit level 8 quickly and i held it there while She counted to 15. At 15, she slowed down. With one hand, i typed, "please".
She stopped. "Please what, whore?" i felt my cock going limp as the pain subsided slowly from my balls. i needed the pain to make my cock stiff. i typed "please Goddess, may i continue smacking my balls and then cum afterwards?"
She didn't answer and i added: "please Goddess, let me strike them 100 times. or a thousand or a million. Just please let me cum afterwards." my mind was slipping away, all i knew was the hunger between my legs.
Again, She made me wait nearly a minute before She answered. my Need was getting greater. i was about to offer 150 when i read "1". A rush of embarrassment and excitement went through me as my hand swung up quickly and smacked my sack. The pain was intense, i must have gone to 9. i backed off as she led me from 2 to 25. At 25, i was gasping for breath, my cock stiff and swollen, my balls aching.
She typed, "you are one quarter of the way to cumming. Hmmm. I wonder if you'll be allowed to cum or if there will be rules." i was about to type something in reply when i saw "26". My hand went up between my legs as if on instinct and swarred my balls. She sped through 27-35, then slowed to a crawl. Again, the feeling was horrible as i went from the feeling of adjustment to nothing. My cock continued to respond like it was being sucked or jerked off. The head was swollen and bright red now, the shaft twitching up and down like it was being hit instead of my balls.
At 40, my legs started shaking. i opened them wider and felt my ass moving on the towel. i flexed my ass, opening it up, fantasizing about a huge cock up there. It distracted me from the pain for only a few seconds, then the scene felt dirty and disgusting to me.
At 50, She stopped again. "Is it still worth it, whore?"
"i don't know, i don't know, Goddess. i am rocking back and forth, imagining cock up my ass to keep me from thinking about the pain..."
"Do you want to continue?"
"i want to serve You. i want to continue even if You choose not to let me cum, Goddess. Are You enjoying this, Goddess?"
"I am enjoying this, whore."
"Then, please, more Goddess." i looked down between my legs. my balls were swollen and purple. It hurt intensely but i was committed and i wanted to finish. i needed to finish.
Some time around 65, i had the sensation that i was going to cum. my cock twitched and the muscles inside me did exactly what they do before an orgasm, i recognized the feeling. It made me proud and totally humiliated at the same time. i'd read about it a thousand times, but it was alway women. They would cum from a tit whipping or an ass fuck. i'd never read about a guy cumming from having his balls beaten. i was turning into a very special kind of pervert.
When She stopped me at 75, i reported what had happened. i begged her to allow me to touch it while i continued. Her Answer was a firm "no". Then, She added, "if you can cum from just the ball smacking, be my guest." i wondered if i might. i wondered if i wished i would or if i wished i wouldn't. i felt my gut twist as i realized that i lose either way. i am either a sick pain slut who can cum from having his balls beaten or a slut who will beat his own balls even without an orgasm as the reward.
My Goddess worked me hard 76 - 99, speeding up, slowing down, pausing. my balls were going wild. At 99, She stopped and waited for a long, long time. When She typed again, She wrote "1 last one. HARD".
In a haze of pain and lust, i swung hard, harder than i should have. i screamed, grabbed my balls in my hand and tried to comfort them. i doubled over from the pain and held my breath. When i looked up, My Goddess had typed, "untie your balls, whore."
Gently, i undid the three rubber bands holding my balls in place. She told me i was allowed to cum with the condition that i lick my hand clear when i was finished.
Thrilled, i leaned back in the chair and started stroking furiously. This was unusual, i usually start slow and speed up, but i was so close. i thought. After a few minutes, i realized i wasn't cumming. i started smacking my balls. my cock responded by stiffening. i hit them again and again, feeling my cock's approval more each time. my balls slid up inside me again and i was able to smack my crotch hard, like women have their cunts smacked in porn. i felt dirty and twisted when i had that thought, smacked my crotch harder.
It took nearly 10 minutes of stroking and playing with my nipples before i came. When i did, it was incredible, i jerked up and down, side to side, while a stream of cum shot all over my belly and ran down my sides.
As ordered, i licked my hand clean, then said 'good bye' to my Goddess and turned off the computer.
i made arrangements for two hours of alone-time today. i emailed my Goddess and told Her i would be online at noon. i begged Her to meet me in a chat and abuse me to Her Delight. She graciously agreed. When i got online, She was there.
i typed my assigned opening line: "Goddess, may i entertain You?" Without hesitation, She typed "get naked." i stripped off my pants, shirt, underpants, shirt and socks and put a towel on the chair. i sat back down and typed "done Goddess."
She asked me why i hadn't sent Her a description of my masturbation attempt last night. i told Her i had posted it. She told me to pinch my nipples hard and hold them while She read my post.
i sat for over four minutes, pinching myself. my left nipple always slides out from my fingers, even from nipple clamps, and i was constantly readjusting my grip. Each new re-grip sent another wave of new pain through me. Even thought i tried hard not to, my eyes were watering by the time She said 'let go." This is what i read from My Goddess while i abused my nipples:
pinch long and hard slut
my little slut couldn't cum from vanilla, could he?
couldn't empty his sore and full balls without the naughty little thoughts and actions he's come to crave?
think how much cum would have surged from you if you'd managed to cum
think how good you would have felt
but you couldn't, could you?
not while thinking vanilla thoughts.
My Goddess had me hang my balls over the edge of the chair. "Rub them," She said. i touched my balls with the palm of my hand and began rubbing softly. my cock sprang to life. it had never done that before, not like this. i was puzzled, wondered what i was reacting to.
She asked me whether or not i was still interested in pain, or if i wanted to stop and go back to jerking off the way normal guys do. A little embarrassed, i found myself typing: "i need my balls smacked by You, Goddess". She asked, "are you certain?" Hesitantly, i typed "yes".
The rest of the hour was filled with pain, and eventually pleasure.
She began by having me smack my balls as the hung over the edge of the chair. She counted each stroke on the screen. She alternated the strokes, six or seven in a row, fast, then a pause, then three or four slow ones. She got to 35 before She "lost count" and told me She would start again at 1. She started again, a group of fast ones, then a pause. i was going insane. my body would adjust to the onslaught of my palm smacking my balls, then, just as it adjusted, She would slow down, or, even worse, stop. my world would shift again, the feelings fresh everywhere between my legs. After the pause, She started up again. The pain was like the first time, stomach turning and shooting all through my belly and thighs.
The thing that threw me off was the way my cock responded. It was stiff and jerking in the air. i didn't know what to think, it must have been a physiological reaction. Either that or i was adjusting to the pain. Liking it? Craving it? i pushed the thought out of my head and watched the numbers on the screen. "Do you want more, slut?" i typed, "yes, Goddess, please, please more."
She paused and told me to hold my fingers around my ball sack like they were rubber bands. i told Her that i had rubber bands nearby. She just typed "pain whore". i blushed and typed 'y'. "you want them on, don't you?" i typed, 'y'. "Do it."
i wrestled with my balls for a while. The sack was tight and my balls had gone up inside my body, probably trying to avoid the beating. i stretched my sack flesh, tried to relax, felt for my balls. As they dropped, i took a small rubber band and snapped it around the sack, trapping the balls below. i used a second then a third to squeeze the sack as tight as i could, my balls swelling in the smooth-skinned sack below.
She told me to start smacking them slowly, adjusting until the pain was about 8. i typed 'y' and started smacking my balls. After the third, i saw Her type '1' on the screen. i'd been so anxious i'd started without Her. i didn't tell Her, there was no need. i just started at 1 again, grateful for Her Attention.
When She got to 5, She asked me how i was feeling. "scared" i typed. "Why?" I answered, "That You will make me go to pain level 10 or that i will lost control and won't be able to stop when You tell me to."
"Are you more afraid that you will not be able to stop, or that you will not want to stop?"
i froze. She was right. i was afraid i was going to love it. What would that say about me? That i was loving smacking my own balls with my hand. That it made me hard, my cock stiffen and twitch? But i typed the truth: "Goddess, i am afraid i will not want to stop, that i will be unable to because i will crave it."
The screen didn't move for several seconds. i stared at what i'd written. Was it true? Was i becoming that?
"You will stop when I tell you to stop because you are an obedient little whore."
I typed "y".
She told me to begin. She typed 1 2 3 4, indicating fast smacks. i did it, feeling the pain starting up again. it hit level 8 quickly and i held it there while She counted to 15. At 15, she slowed down. With one hand, i typed, "please".
She stopped. "Please what, whore?" i felt my cock going limp as the pain subsided slowly from my balls. i needed the pain to make my cock stiff. i typed "please Goddess, may i continue smacking my balls and then cum afterwards?"
She didn't answer and i added: "please Goddess, let me strike them 100 times. or a thousand or a million. Just please let me cum afterwards." my mind was slipping away, all i knew was the hunger between my legs.
Again, She made me wait nearly a minute before She answered. my Need was getting greater. i was about to offer 150 when i read "1". A rush of embarrassment and excitement went through me as my hand swung up quickly and smacked my sack. The pain was intense, i must have gone to 9. i backed off as she led me from 2 to 25. At 25, i was gasping for breath, my cock stiff and swollen, my balls aching.
She typed, "you are one quarter of the way to cumming. Hmmm. I wonder if you'll be allowed to cum or if there will be rules." i was about to type something in reply when i saw "26". My hand went up between my legs as if on instinct and swarred my balls. She sped through 27-35, then slowed to a crawl. Again, the feeling was horrible as i went from the feeling of adjustment to nothing. My cock continued to respond like it was being sucked or jerked off. The head was swollen and bright red now, the shaft twitching up and down like it was being hit instead of my balls.
At 40, my legs started shaking. i opened them wider and felt my ass moving on the towel. i flexed my ass, opening it up, fantasizing about a huge cock up there. It distracted me from the pain for only a few seconds, then the scene felt dirty and disgusting to me.
At 50, She stopped again. "Is it still worth it, whore?"
"i don't know, i don't know, Goddess. i am rocking back and forth, imagining cock up my ass to keep me from thinking about the pain..."
"Do you want to continue?"
"i want to serve You. i want to continue even if You choose not to let me cum, Goddess. Are You enjoying this, Goddess?"
"I am enjoying this, whore."
"Then, please, more Goddess." i looked down between my legs. my balls were swollen and purple. It hurt intensely but i was committed and i wanted to finish. i needed to finish.
Some time around 65, i had the sensation that i was going to cum. my cock twitched and the muscles inside me did exactly what they do before an orgasm, i recognized the feeling. It made me proud and totally humiliated at the same time. i'd read about it a thousand times, but it was alway women. They would cum from a tit whipping or an ass fuck. i'd never read about a guy cumming from having his balls beaten. i was turning into a very special kind of pervert.
When She stopped me at 75, i reported what had happened. i begged her to allow me to touch it while i continued. Her Answer was a firm "no". Then, She added, "if you can cum from just the ball smacking, be my guest." i wondered if i might. i wondered if i wished i would or if i wished i wouldn't. i felt my gut twist as i realized that i lose either way. i am either a sick pain slut who can cum from having his balls beaten or a slut who will beat his own balls even without an orgasm as the reward.
My Goddess worked me hard 76 - 99, speeding up, slowing down, pausing. my balls were going wild. At 99, She stopped and waited for a long, long time. When She typed again, She wrote "1 last one. HARD".
In a haze of pain and lust, i swung hard, harder than i should have. i screamed, grabbed my balls in my hand and tried to comfort them. i doubled over from the pain and held my breath. When i looked up, My Goddess had typed, "untie your balls, whore."
Gently, i undid the three rubber bands holding my balls in place. She told me i was allowed to cum with the condition that i lick my hand clear when i was finished.
Thrilled, i leaned back in the chair and started stroking furiously. This was unusual, i usually start slow and speed up, but i was so close. i thought. After a few minutes, i realized i wasn't cumming. i started smacking my balls. my cock responded by stiffening. i hit them again and again, feeling my cock's approval more each time. my balls slid up inside me again and i was able to smack my crotch hard, like women have their cunts smacked in porn. i felt dirty and twisted when i had that thought, smacked my crotch harder.
It took nearly 10 minutes of stroking and playing with my nipples before i came. When i did, it was incredible, i jerked up and down, side to side, while a stream of cum shot all over my belly and ran down my sides.
As ordered, i licked my hand clean, then said 'good bye' to my Goddess and turned off the computer.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
painsult_jake: results
i am destined to another day without relief. My Goddess and my body have played cruel tricks on me. As She knows, i have been running hard and getting very little sleep this week.
i lay in bed and closed my eyes. i pictured My Goddess walking across the stage toward the podium to give Her Talk. She was wearing a long dress that swayed as she walked. The skirt was a light colored print. Her blouse was white and she wore a printed waistcoat and two scarves. Her hair was up and she wore a necklace and several bracelets. A brilliant gypsy scholar.
We had been talking online for six months, since we became aware of each other when i read one of Her papers. We'd agreed to meet face-to-face at this conference. Since some groundwork had been laid, i felt confident. i will admit, i barely heard the contents of her paper. my eyes were locked on her face and upper body, fantasies already swirling. The first time i would see Her naked Body. Her letting Her Hair down around Her Shoulders. Kissing Her Neck. Finally, that moment of infinite sweetness when She would open Her Legs and i would lay between them.
i fantasized through dinner quickly, we made small talk and ate light. We agreed to limit ourselves to two glasses of wine, then one more each back at the hotel. Her Eyes sparkled when She talked, i was entranced the whole night. She was so strong and confident. There were moments i was not sure i would be able to seduce Her, other moments i was positive She was mine.
in RL, i had my legs open wide and was running my fingertips lightly over my belly and the insides of my thighs. i touched my balls and nipples occasionally and felt my cock jerk erect. my body was responding so differently than it had before. The slightest touch made me hard. i'd looked in the mirror earlier and noticed my balls were swolled and red. They were so much more sensitive than ever before!
We went back to the hotel and sat on the couch, sipping wine and necking like teenagers. i had Her top unbuttoned and was kissing Her Neck.
Suddenly, i woke. i realized i'd fallen asleep. i almost cried from the frustration. my exhausted body was torn between the need for sleep and the need for relief. i reset the fantasy from the point we walked into the hotel room and went to the couch. in RL, my cock responded immediately. i let my fingers graze it lightly, moving up and down the shaft. i felt like i would cum right then. In the fantasy, i was sliding my hand up the inside of Her Thigh. She leaned in closer to kiss me.
my finger and thumb were in a circle now, sliding up and down over my cock head. i imagined Her Mouth on me, Her Lips closed around it. i stopped myself cold. Vanilla! Vanilla! i yelled in my head, the frustration sweeping over me again. i was not to enjoy My Goddess Mouth even in fantasy.
i began stroking again but then drifted off for the second time. When i woke, i lay in bed shuddering in my frustration. my desperate cock was losing the battle between fatigue and arousal. i tried to get back into the fantasy, but it was now just snapshots. Us at dinner. Her behind the podium. Us in bed, under the covers (as vanilla as i could imagine), me humping gently while She clenched down on my cock with Her Cunt. i stroked myself, but the fantasy was too fragmented and i failed.
After another few minutes, i resigned myself to another day of oversensitive balls and nipples and yet another day of orgasm denial.
And this time, i was the one who had denied me.
i lay in bed and closed my eyes. i pictured My Goddess walking across the stage toward the podium to give Her Talk. She was wearing a long dress that swayed as she walked. The skirt was a light colored print. Her blouse was white and she wore a printed waistcoat and two scarves. Her hair was up and she wore a necklace and several bracelets. A brilliant gypsy scholar.
We had been talking online for six months, since we became aware of each other when i read one of Her papers. We'd agreed to meet face-to-face at this conference. Since some groundwork had been laid, i felt confident. i will admit, i barely heard the contents of her paper. my eyes were locked on her face and upper body, fantasies already swirling. The first time i would see Her naked Body. Her letting Her Hair down around Her Shoulders. Kissing Her Neck. Finally, that moment of infinite sweetness when She would open Her Legs and i would lay between them.
i fantasized through dinner quickly, we made small talk and ate light. We agreed to limit ourselves to two glasses of wine, then one more each back at the hotel. Her Eyes sparkled when She talked, i was entranced the whole night. She was so strong and confident. There were moments i was not sure i would be able to seduce Her, other moments i was positive She was mine.
in RL, i had my legs open wide and was running my fingertips lightly over my belly and the insides of my thighs. i touched my balls and nipples occasionally and felt my cock jerk erect. my body was responding so differently than it had before. The slightest touch made me hard. i'd looked in the mirror earlier and noticed my balls were swolled and red. They were so much more sensitive than ever before!
We went back to the hotel and sat on the couch, sipping wine and necking like teenagers. i had Her top unbuttoned and was kissing Her Neck.
Suddenly, i woke. i realized i'd fallen asleep. i almost cried from the frustration. my exhausted body was torn between the need for sleep and the need for relief. i reset the fantasy from the point we walked into the hotel room and went to the couch. in RL, my cock responded immediately. i let my fingers graze it lightly, moving up and down the shaft. i felt like i would cum right then. In the fantasy, i was sliding my hand up the inside of Her Thigh. She leaned in closer to kiss me.
my finger and thumb were in a circle now, sliding up and down over my cock head. i imagined Her Mouth on me, Her Lips closed around it. i stopped myself cold. Vanilla! Vanilla! i yelled in my head, the frustration sweeping over me again. i was not to enjoy My Goddess Mouth even in fantasy.
i began stroking again but then drifted off for the second time. When i woke, i lay in bed shuddering in my frustration. my desperate cock was losing the battle between fatigue and arousal. i tried to get back into the fantasy, but it was now just snapshots. Us at dinner. Her behind the podium. Us in bed, under the covers (as vanilla as i could imagine), me humping gently while She clenched down on my cock with Her Cunt. i stroked myself, but the fantasy was too fragmented and i failed.
After another few minutes, i resigned myself to another day of oversensitive balls and nipples and yet another day of orgasm denial.
And this time, i was the one who had denied me.
Friday, May 10, 2013
painslut_jake: an attempt at vanilla
it's 2:30 in the morning. i just finished catching up on my blog posts, you now know everything that has happened since My Goddess agreed to waste Her Precious Time with me.
Tonight, thanks to Her Gracious Offer, i will attempt to jerk off. i will be thinking of Her Body but, as She instructed, i will limit my fantasy to vanilla sex. We will have met at a conference on education. i will see her giving a talk. i will buy her dinner and seduce her. She will insist we fuck strictly vanilla.
i will not touch my asshole or pinch, gouge, or twist my nipples. i will not torture my balls. if the fantasy begins to get out of hand, i will stop myself and either rein it in or forego my orgasm.
Thank You Goddess, for this opportunity to relieve myself.
painslut_jake: more lingerie shopping
This afternoon, i found myself with just under an hour of free time. i had errands to run for the household. One of them was to pick up some things at a local thrift store, a resale shop that sells used clothing, appliances, books and the like.
As i walked through the shop, i found myself circling the women's clothing section. The first time, i dismissed it as just being silly, a perverse flashback to my adult bookstore shopping trip. The second time, i felt a little more uneasy. The third time, i knew i was on a mission. i wanted to find something pretty that i could photograph myself in.
This raised some serious questions for me. It's one thing to buy panties and put them on because your Goddess is telling you to. It's quite another thing to be browsing through lingerie that has been worn by another woman, then taken to the resale store as a donation.
And it's even quite another thing to be caught. i was going through the pretty things, sliding my fingers over the fabric, going from hangar to hangar looking at the colors and the material, wondering which would fit me and which would not. i looked down the aisle and saw to young women, maybe in their mid- twenties, whispering and giggling. They were no doubt amused by the middle aged man shopping for his wife. i must have turned slightly red because they froze for a second, whispered something else, then both walked away. That was the kind of humiliation i'd wanted, the kind i felt in the adult store last week. And the kind i knew my Goddess might grant me again when She is finished with Her pain and ass games.
i chose a red satin nightie that would just barely cover my ass. i rushed back to my hotel room, stripped and tried it on. It fit well and i felt pretty. i took a handful of pictures in different poses, trying my best to look sexy, remembering the pictures i used to respond to in Cosmo or Vogue.
i sent them off to my Goddess with the hope She would find at least some of them entertaining.
painslut_jake: first serious edging session
It was three days before i could spend any alone time with my Goddess. During that time, i obeyed Her Orders about my behavior. No cumming was Number One on the list. i masturbated regularly, bringing myself as close as i could then stopping. Every time i went into the bathroom to pee, i smacked my balls hard 5 times before and after.
When i finally had a window coming, i emailed my Goddess. She agreed to meet me online.
i was online nearly 30 minutes before My Goddess arrived. As soon as i saw her, i typed: "hello". She didn't respond. I typed the following: "Goddess, may i entertain You?" She answered "depends, whore. How do you plan on entertaining me?"me: Goddess, may i entertain You?
i answered:
Goddess, i can offer You my skills licking Your Precious Cunt online
or embarrassing myself
here in my room, standing near the open window
naked and exposed
or beating my balls
until i am crying from the pain and curled up on the floor
or torturing my nipples with pens as before
As i typed it, i realized i was typing from my brain, not really my cock. i didn't want pain, i wanted embarrassment, i wanted her attention. But not pain. Her answer was: "I am impressed, my little whore, how much you really do enjoy pain."
i answered: "no, Goddess, not at all. i dread all of those, but i want to please You." i hoped that my answer would get her interested more in my obedience than in my pain. i was wrong. She was interested in neither. Tonight, She was going to tease me blind.
i was told to strip naked and did immediately. She asked what toys i had with me. i had only the small anal vibrator. She found that amusing. "you love your ass filled, don't you?" i blushed and typed ' y'. She told me to slide forward on the chair until my balls hung off the front. i did. "Now, scoot back in the chair without standing up." i did. As my balls came up over the edge of the chair, i felt uncomfortable but it wasn't painful.
"now lean forward," She typed.
i did and immediately felt the pain. i typed "y" and then "how long Goddess? it hurts". She wrote for a long time: "i think you want your ass filled, don't you? lean forward more… think of my hand squeezing them… think of how you talked about me kicking them…" and more. After about five minute, she typed "sit up". i felt a flood of relief, i'd lost of track of the pain until i shifted upright. "Thank You Goddess".
my balls were starting to feel better. i watched the screen, eager for Her next command. "get your vibrator whore. turn it on and hold it against your balls." i did. i wasn't too worried, i'd tried that over the years and it hadn't ever really turned me on. This time was different though, maybe because i was following orders. my cock responded right away, though only a little. She typed "you're rather be fucking it, wouldn't you?" To my surprise, that aroused me. i wanted it in my ass and asked for it. She laughed at me and said "we'll see. I wonder if my little slut knows there's more than one way to torture a cock."
That made me nervous. She knew about the bruise and i'd already decided i wasn't going to do anything i felt might lead to a physical problem. She kept typing: "torture thru pleasure. Something that feels soooo good till its too much, especially when you're not allowed to cum. Hold it on the sweet spot ... right behind the head .. where you wish my tongue was rubbing."
i was surprised, i found myself responding. Vibrating my cock had never worked before. i put it right behind my cockhead, then rocked it slightly right to left. It got stiffer. She said, "Think of doing this with a more powerful vibrator…" i felt it. Then, "… while you ride a huge dildo. but not allowed to cum ... such sweet torture… think of that dildo rubbing your prostate pushing you closer and closer to the edge."
It was really getting to me, but feeling it all in one place wasn't enough. i looked around and found a pair of socks. i wrapped them around my cock, trapping the vibrator against my cockhead. It felt amazing and i told Her about it, feeling a little proud of my invention.
Her response was "well, since you're so clever, smack your balls now that your hands are free." i felt a rush, instead of complimenting me, She used my invention against me. i felt that rush of humiliation i'd been seeking. i began smacking my balls, sure She let me get to 10 then let me stop. i counted them on the screen as i did it, smacking rather hard this time. By the time i got to ten, i noticed that the pain in my balls helped distract me from the vibrator that was still teasing my cock. At 24, She typed "you may stop smacking". But i didn't. i couldn't take the vibrator at my cockhead, it was too sensitive and starting to drive me crazy. i typed "25" then "i need this to distract me from the vibrator Goddess" She didn't answer until i'd typed 32. Then all she did was laugh at me: "ohhh, how my little whore learns so quickly." i begged Her to let me turn off the vibrator but She didn't answer.
Then, the batteries died. i felt the rush of relief and typed "the battery just died!" But something surprising kicked in, some part of me i didn't know about, and i admitted to Her that "i was playing with the vibrator a little yesterday. i will see if i have spare batteries".
If you've ever done a chat on the Internet, you know that things get delayed sometimes. After i'd typed those two lines, i read my Goddess' response: "awww, lucky you. I guess we have to stop." I felt another flare of humiliation. i could have quit! But instead, i'd admitted i'd put it in my ass on my own, and i'd offered to look for fresh batteries. i wondered what i was becoming.
My Goddess didn't miss a beat. She typed: "you must have used it a lot for the batteries to be dead. you're such a fucking ass cunt whore you had it up your ass even when i didn't tell you to.
you just couldn't live without it shoved deep in your ass, you had to fuck your own ass cunt, didn't you?"
i stared at the words as they came across. What could i do but admit it and admit what i was becoming…
i changed the battery and entered a new level of degradation. The motor was so much more powerful my cock was stiff in seconds. i asked Her to allow me to smack my balls but She said "no". Instead, She had me start pinching, twisting, and finger-nail-gouging my nipples. She made me hold while She counted oh so slowly from 1 to 20. Then, i wasn't allowed to release then, but change from a twist to a pinch. She switched her tactic then to "flick them until I say stop. The tips.".
By number ten, the t ears started welling up again. My whole world was just those painful nipples, the vibrator between my legs was forgotten. At 22, She typed "stop" and asked me how aroused i was. i reported a 9 for pain and a 7 for arousal. I typed, "the pain overwhelmed my and my cock went soft…" She answered, "exactly." That surprised me too. i thought the ideas was to make the pain arouse me. i asked Her about it. She answered, "you are not trained yet. Wrap My Hand around your cock and press the vibrator tighter." i did and my cock sprang back to life. i was at arousal level 9 in seconds. i'd never felt anything like it before and i needed to cum so badly!
After only a few seconds, My Goddess told me to turn it off and shove it in my mouth. i did but just as quickly, She told me to shove it up my ass, all the way this time. i pushed it hard and fast but it stalled at the same spot as the other night. She kept telling me "further" and i pushed, sliding it out and in over and over until i felt that strange indescribable feeling of the widest part passing through, then my anus closing around the slimmer part past the flair. it was the first time i'd ever felt that. i panicked. What if it wouldn't come out? Also, there was a noise and something drizzled out of me and onto the towel. i felt myself turning red.
When i reported to My Goddess what had happened, She answered: "you are still learning. i am thinking of how to make sure that doesn't happen again though. i am really curious how open my new little whore will be to it." i shuddered. Was She thinking diet change? Smaller dildo? Bigger dildo? Enema? Any of those would be terrifying. Mercifully, She changed the subject.
"Time to work your legs fuck toy. Bounce up and down a little. Fuck your own ass." i did. In just a few strokes, i closed my eyes and let myself drift into a fantasy. i was standing bent over a chair, my ass high in the air, someone standing behind me, their cock buried deep in my ass. It might have been a man or a woman with a strap on. It might even be My Goddess just using a dildo. But i found my ass craved it. The feeling of that little shaft pushing up into my body was opening me up and i wanted more. Through half-glazed eyes, i saw myself typing: "i want a bigger one. i want myself stretched, my holes filled." Seeing myself type "holes" made my cock stiff, i was losing my mind, losing my identity, becoming an open hole for cock meat. i started flicking my nipples, typing in between: "begging you to find someone to fuck my cunt ass, shoot his load up into me then shove the plug back in so it stays there."
i typed: "Goddess, may I jerk off?" She allowed me to get to 9 but no more. i got there over and over, smacking my balls to bring me back from the edge, the pain though starting to be less effective. i was afraid i would cum and begged Her again to let me turn off the vibrator. She said "no". i pinched and twisted my nipples hoping the pain would cancel the arousal but it wasn't working either.
Out of the blue, She typed "STOP. everything. stop fucking, touching, get the cock out of your ass." i tried but it felt stuck inside me. my body was so alive, on the edge, electrified. i tugged and squatted until the little dildo slid out.
My Goddess said She was finished with me. i felt that same feeling i'd had before. i was in this to cum, not just to be abused then left hanging. i'd read plenty about orgasm denial and it seemed like a wonderful game to play with a woman, but it wasn't anything i was interested in having doe to me. I asked "may i cum tonight, Goddess?" expecting the answer "yes".
Instead, she told me to flick my nipples. Dreading a fresh wave of pain, i went ahead. Sure enough, it was horrible. The pinching and twisting i could take but flicking was terrible, especially since the twisting had sensitized them. She made me do it 20 times, then use my nails for three long, long gouges.
i asked Her again, saying that i'd done my best to keep Her interested. She asked how long it had been since my last cum. It was at least five days and i told Her. Her asking was more of a turn on than i'd expected. In having to think back to my last cum, i realized how much of myself i'd given over to Her control. It had only been about three days since She took me over, but i hadn't cum a few days before that.
She waited a long time before typing Her reply back to me. "you may cum tonight ONLY IF you do so just by rubbing your cock. nothing in your ass. no pinching or slapping. you my think only of vanilla sex."
i had four or five more hours of RL to deal with before i would be alone again and able to attempt masturbation. i asked Her if i could use the Photos of Herself that She'd sent me. She restricted me to a single Photo of Her, not even naked, just wearing a plain tan dress and standing, turned 3/4 view.
i have no idea whether or not i can cum from a plain vanilla sex fantasy. i opened the Picture of My Goddess and looked at it earlier tonight. i have decided i cannot use it to masturbate. i cannot look at the picture without imagining myself at Her Feet, waiting eagerly to server Her.
When i finally had a window coming, i emailed my Goddess. She agreed to meet me online.
i was online nearly 30 minutes before My Goddess arrived. As soon as i saw her, i typed: "hello". She didn't respond. I typed the following: "Goddess, may i entertain You?" She answered "depends, whore. How do you plan on entertaining me?"me: Goddess, may i entertain You?
i answered:
Goddess, i can offer You my skills licking Your Precious Cunt online
or embarrassing myself
here in my room, standing near the open window
naked and exposed
or beating my balls
until i am crying from the pain and curled up on the floor
or torturing my nipples with pens as before
As i typed it, i realized i was typing from my brain, not really my cock. i didn't want pain, i wanted embarrassment, i wanted her attention. But not pain. Her answer was: "I am impressed, my little whore, how much you really do enjoy pain."
i answered: "no, Goddess, not at all. i dread all of those, but i want to please You." i hoped that my answer would get her interested more in my obedience than in my pain. i was wrong. She was interested in neither. Tonight, She was going to tease me blind.
i was told to strip naked and did immediately. She asked what toys i had with me. i had only the small anal vibrator. She found that amusing. "you love your ass filled, don't you?" i blushed and typed ' y'. She told me to slide forward on the chair until my balls hung off the front. i did. "Now, scoot back in the chair without standing up." i did. As my balls came up over the edge of the chair, i felt uncomfortable but it wasn't painful.
"now lean forward," She typed.
i did and immediately felt the pain. i typed "y" and then "how long Goddess? it hurts". She wrote for a long time: "i think you want your ass filled, don't you? lean forward more… think of my hand squeezing them… think of how you talked about me kicking them…" and more. After about five minute, she typed "sit up". i felt a flood of relief, i'd lost of track of the pain until i shifted upright. "Thank You Goddess".
my balls were starting to feel better. i watched the screen, eager for Her next command. "get your vibrator whore. turn it on and hold it against your balls." i did. i wasn't too worried, i'd tried that over the years and it hadn't ever really turned me on. This time was different though, maybe because i was following orders. my cock responded right away, though only a little. She typed "you're rather be fucking it, wouldn't you?" To my surprise, that aroused me. i wanted it in my ass and asked for it. She laughed at me and said "we'll see. I wonder if my little slut knows there's more than one way to torture a cock."
That made me nervous. She knew about the bruise and i'd already decided i wasn't going to do anything i felt might lead to a physical problem. She kept typing: "torture thru pleasure. Something that feels soooo good till its too much, especially when you're not allowed to cum. Hold it on the sweet spot ... right behind the head .. where you wish my tongue was rubbing."
i was surprised, i found myself responding. Vibrating my cock had never worked before. i put it right behind my cockhead, then rocked it slightly right to left. It got stiffer. She said, "Think of doing this with a more powerful vibrator…" i felt it. Then, "… while you ride a huge dildo. but not allowed to cum ... such sweet torture… think of that dildo rubbing your prostate pushing you closer and closer to the edge."
It was really getting to me, but feeling it all in one place wasn't enough. i looked around and found a pair of socks. i wrapped them around my cock, trapping the vibrator against my cockhead. It felt amazing and i told Her about it, feeling a little proud of my invention.
Her response was "well, since you're so clever, smack your balls now that your hands are free." i felt a rush, instead of complimenting me, She used my invention against me. i felt that rush of humiliation i'd been seeking. i began smacking my balls, sure She let me get to 10 then let me stop. i counted them on the screen as i did it, smacking rather hard this time. By the time i got to ten, i noticed that the pain in my balls helped distract me from the vibrator that was still teasing my cock. At 24, She typed "you may stop smacking". But i didn't. i couldn't take the vibrator at my cockhead, it was too sensitive and starting to drive me crazy. i typed "25" then "i need this to distract me from the vibrator Goddess" She didn't answer until i'd typed 32. Then all she did was laugh at me: "ohhh, how my little whore learns so quickly." i begged Her to let me turn off the vibrator but She didn't answer.
Then, the batteries died. i felt the rush of relief and typed "the battery just died!" But something surprising kicked in, some part of me i didn't know about, and i admitted to Her that "i was playing with the vibrator a little yesterday. i will see if i have spare batteries".
If you've ever done a chat on the Internet, you know that things get delayed sometimes. After i'd typed those two lines, i read my Goddess' response: "awww, lucky you. I guess we have to stop." I felt another flare of humiliation. i could have quit! But instead, i'd admitted i'd put it in my ass on my own, and i'd offered to look for fresh batteries. i wondered what i was becoming.
My Goddess didn't miss a beat. She typed: "you must have used it a lot for the batteries to be dead. you're such a fucking ass cunt whore you had it up your ass even when i didn't tell you to.
you just couldn't live without it shoved deep in your ass, you had to fuck your own ass cunt, didn't you?"
i stared at the words as they came across. What could i do but admit it and admit what i was becoming…
i changed the battery and entered a new level of degradation. The motor was so much more powerful my cock was stiff in seconds. i asked Her to allow me to smack my balls but She said "no". Instead, She had me start pinching, twisting, and finger-nail-gouging my nipples. She made me hold while She counted oh so slowly from 1 to 20. Then, i wasn't allowed to release then, but change from a twist to a pinch. She switched her tactic then to "flick them until I say stop. The tips.".
By number ten, the t ears started welling up again. My whole world was just those painful nipples, the vibrator between my legs was forgotten. At 22, She typed "stop" and asked me how aroused i was. i reported a 9 for pain and a 7 for arousal. I typed, "the pain overwhelmed my and my cock went soft…" She answered, "exactly." That surprised me too. i thought the ideas was to make the pain arouse me. i asked Her about it. She answered, "you are not trained yet. Wrap My Hand around your cock and press the vibrator tighter." i did and my cock sprang back to life. i was at arousal level 9 in seconds. i'd never felt anything like it before and i needed to cum so badly!
After only a few seconds, My Goddess told me to turn it off and shove it in my mouth. i did but just as quickly, She told me to shove it up my ass, all the way this time. i pushed it hard and fast but it stalled at the same spot as the other night. She kept telling me "further" and i pushed, sliding it out and in over and over until i felt that strange indescribable feeling of the widest part passing through, then my anus closing around the slimmer part past the flair. it was the first time i'd ever felt that. i panicked. What if it wouldn't come out? Also, there was a noise and something drizzled out of me and onto the towel. i felt myself turning red.
When i reported to My Goddess what had happened, She answered: "you are still learning. i am thinking of how to make sure that doesn't happen again though. i am really curious how open my new little whore will be to it." i shuddered. Was She thinking diet change? Smaller dildo? Bigger dildo? Enema? Any of those would be terrifying. Mercifully, She changed the subject.
"Time to work your legs fuck toy. Bounce up and down a little. Fuck your own ass." i did. In just a few strokes, i closed my eyes and let myself drift into a fantasy. i was standing bent over a chair, my ass high in the air, someone standing behind me, their cock buried deep in my ass. It might have been a man or a woman with a strap on. It might even be My Goddess just using a dildo. But i found my ass craved it. The feeling of that little shaft pushing up into my body was opening me up and i wanted more. Through half-glazed eyes, i saw myself typing: "i want a bigger one. i want myself stretched, my holes filled." Seeing myself type "holes" made my cock stiff, i was losing my mind, losing my identity, becoming an open hole for cock meat. i started flicking my nipples, typing in between: "begging you to find someone to fuck my cunt ass, shoot his load up into me then shove the plug back in so it stays there."
i typed: "Goddess, may I jerk off?" She allowed me to get to 9 but no more. i got there over and over, smacking my balls to bring me back from the edge, the pain though starting to be less effective. i was afraid i would cum and begged Her again to let me turn off the vibrator. She said "no". i pinched and twisted my nipples hoping the pain would cancel the arousal but it wasn't working either.
Out of the blue, She typed "STOP. everything. stop fucking, touching, get the cock out of your ass." i tried but it felt stuck inside me. my body was so alive, on the edge, electrified. i tugged and squatted until the little dildo slid out.
My Goddess said She was finished with me. i felt that same feeling i'd had before. i was in this to cum, not just to be abused then left hanging. i'd read plenty about orgasm denial and it seemed like a wonderful game to play with a woman, but it wasn't anything i was interested in having doe to me. I asked "may i cum tonight, Goddess?" expecting the answer "yes".
Instead, she told me to flick my nipples. Dreading a fresh wave of pain, i went ahead. Sure enough, it was horrible. The pinching and twisting i could take but flicking was terrible, especially since the twisting had sensitized them. She made me do it 20 times, then use my nails for three long, long gouges.
i asked Her again, saying that i'd done my best to keep Her interested. She asked how long it had been since my last cum. It was at least five days and i told Her. Her asking was more of a turn on than i'd expected. In having to think back to my last cum, i realized how much of myself i'd given over to Her control. It had only been about three days since She took me over, but i hadn't cum a few days before that.
She waited a long time before typing Her reply back to me. "you may cum tonight ONLY IF you do so just by rubbing your cock. nothing in your ass. no pinching or slapping. you my think only of vanilla sex."
i had four or five more hours of RL to deal with before i would be alone again and able to attempt masturbation. i asked Her if i could use the Photos of Herself that She'd sent me. She restricted me to a single Photo of Her, not even naked, just wearing a plain tan dress and standing, turned 3/4 view.
i have no idea whether or not i can cum from a plain vanilla sex fantasy. i opened the Picture of My Goddess and looked at it earlier tonight. i have decided i cannot use it to masturbate. i cannot look at the picture without imagining myself at Her Feet, waiting eagerly to server Her.
Little Ass Slut's Progress
jake's proven to be a little more interesting that I expected. I hear an interesting tension I hadn't expected. She wants it, she doesn't want it. He's fighting with himself. I'm not bored yet. I'm going to keep him on for a while.
He's still catching up on blog posts. I told him I am not going to play with him again until he's caught up. Also, he's not to cum until at least then. Probably not for a long time after.
To her credit, the little slut went out of her way to shop for a nightie without my even asking! I'm still deciding whether or not I want to share the pretty pictures he sent me.
XXXX
Tiffany
He's still catching up on blog posts. I told him I am not going to play with him again until he's caught up. Also, he's not to cum until at least then. Probably not for a long time after.
To her credit, the little slut went out of her way to shop for a nightie without my even asking! I'm still deciding whether or not I want to share the pretty pictures he sent me.
XXXX
Tiffany
painslut_jake: the rest of that first night
When i could hold the little cock in my mouth for more than a 20 count, Goddess told me to take off the pretty pink top and my white lace panties. She let me wear the pink leggings. She wanted me to feel pretty while i was hurting myself for Her.
Goddess made me put the adjustable nipple clamps on myself. Next, she told me to turn the adjusters one full turn. i started to but it hurt like hell after 1/2. i begged my Goddess to let me stop there and adjust to it. She told me no. i was to go one full turn. i did and stood there feeling it. On the screen, She typed 'breathe'. i did and it felt a little bit better. After a full minute, She had me turn another half turn. i did. After only a few seconds, She told me "another half turn". i did.
For the first time in many years, i felt my eyes start to tear up. i wasn't used to pain, certainly not this kind of pain. It was relentless, every breath started it up again. She teased me and told me to stroke my cock. i did. i was shocked that it got hard right away. She told me to turn another full turn. i panicked but did it. The feeling was amazing. The pain shot through me like electricity and my cock went limp.
When i told Her that, She commanded that i slide forward on the chair and hang my balls off the edge. She made me flick my balls hard. She counted to 20, i had to flick my balls once with each number. It was a strange kind of pain, something between a burn and a stomach ache. By the time She got to 20, i was ready to break our agreement and sign off. Then, She had me stroke my cock again. The feeling was wonderful and everything faded away again into a fog of pleasure.
Right about then, the clip slid off of my left nipple. i told my Goddess and she told me to reattach it. i did but it slid off again a few minutes later. Next time, She had me attach it horizontally but i slid off once more. She let it go while She turned her attention to other parts of my body.
My Goddess told me to attach the loose end of my right nipple chain to my right nut. Then, She made me attach the other pair to my left ball and nipple. She told me to get on my hands and knees and crawl around the basement. My cock liked the idea, it got stiff as i read Her Words. "Get on your knees and crawl around the basement. Keep going until you hear me come back on, you'll hear the IM ding." i turned up the volumen, then started to but fell back in the chair. As soon as i straightened up, the chains tightened and jerked the end that bit my nipple. i tried again and failed. The third time, i just slid to my knees on the floor. i stayed still for a moment, letting my body adjust, then moved my knee forward slowly. It hurt like hell but i told myself i'd adjust quickly. i did. By the time i got halfway around the desk, my cock was getting hard again. i circled the desk twice before She dinged and i crawled back into my chair. i was exhausted and hard and in pain, needing to jerk off to get some relief from what was going on.
In my mind, i felt that if i could get off, it would make the whole thing worth it. i realized that if i didn't get off soon, i'd have to face the thought that i was doing all of this: dressing up like a woman, hurting my cock and balls, mashing my nipples, doing all of this without an orgasm to make it worth it. i was doing it only to obey my Goddess. The thought made my head spin. i'd asked for this but it was a way to an orgasm. i wasn't a slave. And certainly not a pain slave.
When i got back into my chair, She had me rub my cock until it was hard and i was close to cumming. When i got to 9+, She made me stop. She had me take the clips off of my balls, then wrap rubber bands around my scrotum, stretching my balls until the skin was shiny and firm. She told me stand up and lean forward, my legs open and my balls hanging free. Then, She told me to get the riding crop and start smacking my balls. i froze. This was going too far too fast. i didn't type anything for a few seconds. She typed back, "now, slut." i felt my hand moving, obeying Her Orders. i picked the crop and swung it upward, hitting myself evenly against the bottom of both balls. It hurt but it wasn't terrible. i swung again, then a third time.
It started to hurt after five and i watched the screen, eager for Her to say 'enough'. i got to ten, then fifteen, then twenty. my eyes were wet again and my balls were in agony. 22… my cock was limp and all i wanted was for it to stop. 23… i typed 'plz Goddesss' with my left hand. 28… She wrote back "please what, my little pain slut?" 32… i kept whacking my balls while i typed as quickly as i could with 1 hand. 38… "please Goddess may i stop hitting my balls". 42… i watched the screen, eager and in pain. 43… 44… 45… 46… i wrestled with myself. If i asked again, She could easily say "no" to punish my insolence. But if i didn't ask, She might leave me like this forever. 48… 49… Before i could type anything, i read "stop". i almost collapsed from the relief. i typed "Thank You Goddess!" and dropped the crop.
"Cup them, slut, make them feel better," She typed. i did, leaning back in my chair. Before the pain could subside, She wrote: "put the clamps back on your balls, one on each side." It was hard, but i did it. "I noticed you loved pole dancing for me the other day," She typed. "Go to the pole in the basement. Wrap the chains around the pole. Connect the clamp at the other end to your opposite ball. Then, lean backwards, pulling the chains tight. Smack your cock 10 times, pulling the chains each time." i did what She said, the pain in my cock much worse than the pain in my balls. my cock hung between my legs, limp and red and in pain.
When i sat back down, my Goddess had me masturbate five times, stopping just before i came. After each time, my Goddess made me smack my balls 5 times, the hardest i had all night. By now, i was starting to understand what She was doing. She was not going to let me cum at all. She was enjoying Herself, making me do all of this with no intention of letting me cum. It was not what i'd signed up for, it wasn't what i wanted. i wanted to be dommed and feel what it was like, but i wanted to cum. That was the reason for it all, wasn't it?
She told me that She had one more thing for me to do then She would let me go to sleep. i asked Her when i would be allowed to cum. She wrote back "you are not going to cum tonight, pain slut." i sat and stared at the screen. It was a decision point. Did i want to go on with this if there wasn't a cum at the end? i'd dreamed about this for a long time, but now that i was in Her hands, i was having second thoughts.
"Get the crop," She wrote.
i stared at the screen. After a long time, She typed: "I am not finished with your body." When i read it, my cock got stiff. my decision was made for me. i simply typed 'y'.
"smack your worthless cock with the crop and do not stop until I say so."
i started swatting myself. i used the little leather loop at the end of the crop and learned how it felt. Then, i moved it slightly so i could feel the crop itself. The pain was different, not as sharp. After twenty or so swats, i started tearing up again. It felt bad, i felt like i wasn't putting enough effort into it. i'd dealt with pain before, banging my thumb with a hammer, dropping things on my toes, i could take this. i kept swatting, my body shaking now. i watched the screen in desperation for the word 'stop' but i didn't see it. i saw:
obey me slut
good pain slut
good whore
good pain whore
i typed 'plz' and 'please Goddess may i stop' and 'oh fuck it hurts Goddess' and all i got back was more 'good pain slut'.
When She finally typed 'stop' i did. It felt so odd. The pain had become my world, it had become normal and now i felt something was missing. i looked down at my cock. There was a small bruise at the base. It scared me. i'd never seen anything like that before. i didn't even want to cum anymore, i just wanted it to end.
My Goddess told me i'd done a good job and that She would expect me to report to her first thing in the morning to let me know how my body was feeling.
Goddess made me put the adjustable nipple clamps on myself. Next, she told me to turn the adjusters one full turn. i started to but it hurt like hell after 1/2. i begged my Goddess to let me stop there and adjust to it. She told me no. i was to go one full turn. i did and stood there feeling it. On the screen, She typed 'breathe'. i did and it felt a little bit better. After a full minute, She had me turn another half turn. i did. After only a few seconds, She told me "another half turn". i did.
For the first time in many years, i felt my eyes start to tear up. i wasn't used to pain, certainly not this kind of pain. It was relentless, every breath started it up again. She teased me and told me to stroke my cock. i did. i was shocked that it got hard right away. She told me to turn another full turn. i panicked but did it. The feeling was amazing. The pain shot through me like electricity and my cock went limp.
When i told Her that, She commanded that i slide forward on the chair and hang my balls off the edge. She made me flick my balls hard. She counted to 20, i had to flick my balls once with each number. It was a strange kind of pain, something between a burn and a stomach ache. By the time She got to 20, i was ready to break our agreement and sign off. Then, She had me stroke my cock again. The feeling was wonderful and everything faded away again into a fog of pleasure.
Right about then, the clip slid off of my left nipple. i told my Goddess and she told me to reattach it. i did but it slid off again a few minutes later. Next time, She had me attach it horizontally but i slid off once more. She let it go while She turned her attention to other parts of my body.
My Goddess told me to attach the loose end of my right nipple chain to my right nut. Then, She made me attach the other pair to my left ball and nipple. She told me to get on my hands and knees and crawl around the basement. My cock liked the idea, it got stiff as i read Her Words. "Get on your knees and crawl around the basement. Keep going until you hear me come back on, you'll hear the IM ding." i turned up the volumen, then started to but fell back in the chair. As soon as i straightened up, the chains tightened and jerked the end that bit my nipple. i tried again and failed. The third time, i just slid to my knees on the floor. i stayed still for a moment, letting my body adjust, then moved my knee forward slowly. It hurt like hell but i told myself i'd adjust quickly. i did. By the time i got halfway around the desk, my cock was getting hard again. i circled the desk twice before She dinged and i crawled back into my chair. i was exhausted and hard and in pain, needing to jerk off to get some relief from what was going on.
In my mind, i felt that if i could get off, it would make the whole thing worth it. i realized that if i didn't get off soon, i'd have to face the thought that i was doing all of this: dressing up like a woman, hurting my cock and balls, mashing my nipples, doing all of this without an orgasm to make it worth it. i was doing it only to obey my Goddess. The thought made my head spin. i'd asked for this but it was a way to an orgasm. i wasn't a slave. And certainly not a pain slave.
When i got back into my chair, She had me rub my cock until it was hard and i was close to cumming. When i got to 9+, She made me stop. She had me take the clips off of my balls, then wrap rubber bands around my scrotum, stretching my balls until the skin was shiny and firm. She told me stand up and lean forward, my legs open and my balls hanging free. Then, She told me to get the riding crop and start smacking my balls. i froze. This was going too far too fast. i didn't type anything for a few seconds. She typed back, "now, slut." i felt my hand moving, obeying Her Orders. i picked the crop and swung it upward, hitting myself evenly against the bottom of both balls. It hurt but it wasn't terrible. i swung again, then a third time.
It started to hurt after five and i watched the screen, eager for Her to say 'enough'. i got to ten, then fifteen, then twenty. my eyes were wet again and my balls were in agony. 22… my cock was limp and all i wanted was for it to stop. 23… i typed 'plz Goddesss' with my left hand. 28… She wrote back "please what, my little pain slut?" 32… i kept whacking my balls while i typed as quickly as i could with 1 hand. 38… "please Goddess may i stop hitting my balls". 42… i watched the screen, eager and in pain. 43… 44… 45… 46… i wrestled with myself. If i asked again, She could easily say "no" to punish my insolence. But if i didn't ask, She might leave me like this forever. 48… 49… Before i could type anything, i read "stop". i almost collapsed from the relief. i typed "Thank You Goddess!" and dropped the crop.
"Cup them, slut, make them feel better," She typed. i did, leaning back in my chair. Before the pain could subside, She wrote: "put the clamps back on your balls, one on each side." It was hard, but i did it. "I noticed you loved pole dancing for me the other day," She typed. "Go to the pole in the basement. Wrap the chains around the pole. Connect the clamp at the other end to your opposite ball. Then, lean backwards, pulling the chains tight. Smack your cock 10 times, pulling the chains each time." i did what She said, the pain in my cock much worse than the pain in my balls. my cock hung between my legs, limp and red and in pain.
When i sat back down, my Goddess had me masturbate five times, stopping just before i came. After each time, my Goddess made me smack my balls 5 times, the hardest i had all night. By now, i was starting to understand what She was doing. She was not going to let me cum at all. She was enjoying Herself, making me do all of this with no intention of letting me cum. It was not what i'd signed up for, it wasn't what i wanted. i wanted to be dommed and feel what it was like, but i wanted to cum. That was the reason for it all, wasn't it?
She told me that She had one more thing for me to do then She would let me go to sleep. i asked Her when i would be allowed to cum. She wrote back "you are not going to cum tonight, pain slut." i sat and stared at the screen. It was a decision point. Did i want to go on with this if there wasn't a cum at the end? i'd dreamed about this for a long time, but now that i was in Her hands, i was having second thoughts.
"Get the crop," She wrote.
i stared at the screen. After a long time, She typed: "I am not finished with your body." When i read it, my cock got stiff. my decision was made for me. i simply typed 'y'.
"smack your worthless cock with the crop and do not stop until I say so."
i started swatting myself. i used the little leather loop at the end of the crop and learned how it felt. Then, i moved it slightly so i could feel the crop itself. The pain was different, not as sharp. After twenty or so swats, i started tearing up again. It felt bad, i felt like i wasn't putting enough effort into it. i'd dealt with pain before, banging my thumb with a hammer, dropping things on my toes, i could take this. i kept swatting, my body shaking now. i watched the screen in desperation for the word 'stop' but i didn't see it. i saw:
obey me slut
good pain slut
good whore
good pain whore
i typed 'plz' and 'please Goddess may i stop' and 'oh fuck it hurts Goddess' and all i got back was more 'good pain slut'.
When She finally typed 'stop' i did. It felt so odd. The pain had become my world, it had become normal and now i felt something was missing. i looked down at my cock. There was a small bruise at the base. It scared me. i'd never seen anything like that before. i didn't even want to cum anymore, i just wanted it to end.
My Goddess told me i'd done a good job and that She would expect me to report to her first thing in the morning to let me know how my body was feeling.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
painslut_jake: my first photo session
After my shopping trip was finished, i drove home as quickly as i could safely. i imagined once or twice what it would be like if i were pulled over by the police for speeding. That image fought with the pain in my bladder. my Goddess had ordered me to hold it until i got home. i noticed two or three times that i was rocking my legs side to side, doing what i could to hold it back. it felt childish and embarrassing. i was a grown man. i could pull off at any one of these exits and relieve myself. But i was committed to holding it. After waiting so long to find a mistress who would accept me, i couldn't imagine losing Her over such a small thing.
i parked the car and ran as fast as i could to the door. my hands were shaking. i dropped my keys and swore. i felt a few drops leak out when i bent over to pick them up. i got to the bathroom and stood there moaning as the stream shot into the bowl. it never felt so good before.
i went to my study and logged on. my Goddess was online, waiting! i sat down and told her i was home. She asked me to describe my house, room by room. i didn't understand but i went along with Her. When i finished, She made me go into the basement. i protested, telling her it was unfinished with concrete floors and probably ten degrees cooler than the rest of the house. She didn't even answer me. She just asked a few minutes and then asked "are you in the basement yet?"
i scurried down the stairs feeling like a little kid getting away with something or like an animal who'd been caught eating off the counter. i got to a work table, set down my laptop, and typed 'yes'. She told me to mark the time, then strip naked and wait. i did. the chair was an armless wooden chair and not very comfortable. my bare feet were chilly on the cold concrete floor.
She had me take pictures of each of the items i'd bought and send them to Her. When i finished, She told me to model the outfit i'd bought. Hearing her say the word 'model' got me going. All those feelings i had in the store came rushing back. Those girls' eyes on me. Her reaction when i asked her to sign the receipt. i picked up the pair of panties. They are white lace panties that cover most of my ass. There is a pretty, light blue bow in the front center. There is no visible waist band, i felt a single piece of stretch cord that held them together. i raised my left leg and put my foot through the hole, surprised by how embarrassed i was. i was sure i'd got all of that out of my system in the store but i was wrong. i put my right foot through the other hole and slid them up my thighs and over my bottom. They were slightly tight, i'd guessed at the size and was close.
i opened the box with the rest of my new outfit, the box with the top and leggings but no panties. i held up one of the leggings. They are pink and only long enough to cover from about halfway up my calf to just above my knee. i pulled up the one on the right, remembering the way i'd seen girlfriends do it - bunching the whole thing up then letting it out slowly, inch by inch, as i straightened my leg. The movement must have brought memories because it felt sexy. i smoothed it out and looked at my leg. i pointed my toe and flexed my thigh muscles. my cock started to respond. i was fucked up, this should not be turning me on.
i put on the other one a little quicker, then picked up the top. It was the same fishnet-type pink material. i slid my right arm in, then my left, and pulled what was left of it over my head. It barely covered my nipples. i pulled and adjusted by that was all there was. i looked at myself in the laptop camera lens. my neck was bare, the top was scoop necked so a lot of my chest showed. my nipples showed through the pink material, stiff and dark. my belly embarrassed me. 'you can't pull off that look, girlfriend' i heard a voice in my head say, then froze, ashamed and disturbed. i wanted to run upstairs and shave my chest, shave my legs, everything that hinted at 'male'.
When the outfit was on, my Goddess had me send Her pictures of myself in a variety of humiliating poses. By the fourth or fifth picture, i was feeling sexy. i spread my legs, squatted, stood with my hips tilted to the right, then to the left, trying to find a pose that said 'fuck me'. i looked around the basement for props. i found an old coatrack. The shaft was brass and about four inches around. i dragged it to where i was standing then set it up for more pictures. i pole danced with it, grinding my hips against it, pressing the cold metal against my bare thigh, feeling the chill and my cock getting stiff.
When i'd sent Her about a dozen shots, She told me to stop. She told me to get the ass dildo and the nipple clamps out of the bag and have them ready. i eagerly pulled them out, tore open the packages, and set them on the table in front of me.
She told me to push the ass dildo into my mouth and hold it there. i did but it was just long enough to hit the back of my throat. i gagged and took it out. She was patient but relentless with me. When i could hold it in my mouth without gagging, she told me to kneel in front of the desk and wait for further orders.
.
i parked the car and ran as fast as i could to the door. my hands were shaking. i dropped my keys and swore. i felt a few drops leak out when i bent over to pick them up. i got to the bathroom and stood there moaning as the stream shot into the bowl. it never felt so good before.
i went to my study and logged on. my Goddess was online, waiting! i sat down and told her i was home. She asked me to describe my house, room by room. i didn't understand but i went along with Her. When i finished, She made me go into the basement. i protested, telling her it was unfinished with concrete floors and probably ten degrees cooler than the rest of the house. She didn't even answer me. She just asked a few minutes and then asked "are you in the basement yet?"
i scurried down the stairs feeling like a little kid getting away with something or like an animal who'd been caught eating off the counter. i got to a work table, set down my laptop, and typed 'yes'. She told me to mark the time, then strip naked and wait. i did. the chair was an armless wooden chair and not very comfortable. my bare feet were chilly on the cold concrete floor.
She had me take pictures of each of the items i'd bought and send them to Her. When i finished, She told me to model the outfit i'd bought. Hearing her say the word 'model' got me going. All those feelings i had in the store came rushing back. Those girls' eyes on me. Her reaction when i asked her to sign the receipt. i picked up the pair of panties. They are white lace panties that cover most of my ass. There is a pretty, light blue bow in the front center. There is no visible waist band, i felt a single piece of stretch cord that held them together. i raised my left leg and put my foot through the hole, surprised by how embarrassed i was. i was sure i'd got all of that out of my system in the store but i was wrong. i put my right foot through the other hole and slid them up my thighs and over my bottom. They were slightly tight, i'd guessed at the size and was close.
i opened the box with the rest of my new outfit, the box with the top and leggings but no panties. i held up one of the leggings. They are pink and only long enough to cover from about halfway up my calf to just above my knee. i pulled up the one on the right, remembering the way i'd seen girlfriends do it - bunching the whole thing up then letting it out slowly, inch by inch, as i straightened my leg. The movement must have brought memories because it felt sexy. i smoothed it out and looked at my leg. i pointed my toe and flexed my thigh muscles. my cock started to respond. i was fucked up, this should not be turning me on.
i put on the other one a little quicker, then picked up the top. It was the same fishnet-type pink material. i slid my right arm in, then my left, and pulled what was left of it over my head. It barely covered my nipples. i pulled and adjusted by that was all there was. i looked at myself in the laptop camera lens. my neck was bare, the top was scoop necked so a lot of my chest showed. my nipples showed through the pink material, stiff and dark. my belly embarrassed me. 'you can't pull off that look, girlfriend' i heard a voice in my head say, then froze, ashamed and disturbed. i wanted to run upstairs and shave my chest, shave my legs, everything that hinted at 'male'.
When the outfit was on, my Goddess had me send Her pictures of myself in a variety of humiliating poses. By the fourth or fifth picture, i was feeling sexy. i spread my legs, squatted, stood with my hips tilted to the right, then to the left, trying to find a pose that said 'fuck me'. i looked around the basement for props. i found an old coatrack. The shaft was brass and about four inches around. i dragged it to where i was standing then set it up for more pictures. i pole danced with it, grinding my hips against it, pressing the cold metal against my bare thigh, feeling the chill and my cock getting stiff.
When i'd sent Her about a dozen shots, She told me to stop. She told me to get the ass dildo and the nipple clamps out of the bag and have them ready. i eagerly pulled them out, tore open the packages, and set them on the table in front of me.
She told me to push the ass dildo into my mouth and hold it there. i did but it was just long enough to hit the back of my throat. i gagged and took it out. She was patient but relentless with me. When i could hold it in my mouth without gagging, she told me to kneel in front of the desk and wait for further orders.
.
painslut_jake: my first assignment at an adult book store
my day was filled with anticipation of tonight's assignment. Work was a blur. my mind was filled with pictures of myself last night. i was living my first realtime experience as a submissive. The Goddess i had been chatting with for some days agreed to take me on as Her project.
To begin with, i spent the day with my cock and balls pulled through the front of my briefs. It felt amazing. Even better because i knew i was doing it for Her. i was allowed to use the toilet in the morning, but not after twelve noon. i also did not eat anything all day. The Goddess wanted me clean through and through.
When work was finished, i had two events to attend. Goddess knew that She would not be in direct contact with me until after nine p.m. i attended both events with my cock and balls exposed in the same way. By six p.m., i felt the stirrings in my bladder. By the time i was able to make contact at nine-thirty, i felt dangerously close to pissing myself.
Goddess ignored my pleas to use the toilet. She instructed me that i was to purchase some things at an adult book store. Pretty panties, a vibrating butt plug, nipple clamps, and a riding crop. And "anything else that is either very pretty or that I can use to cause you pain." i was excited and scared but knew i would comply.
The girls at the local stores know me and so i didn't want to shop there. i asked Goddess is it was all right for me to drive to a different one, about thirty miles from my home. She granted me permission with conditions. First, i was to go as quickly as possible so She would have the maximum time to play with Her toy when i got back home. Second, i was not to be allowed to piss until i finished shopping and returned home.
This scared me and i begged her to allow me to negotiate. i offered to change into the panties at the store if i could use their toilet. She said "no". i then asked if i could say something embarrassing to the clerks and earn my toilet that way. She agreed. If i told them that i was buying pretty things for myself because i am a pain slut and My Goddess sent me, i could use their toilet.
As i drove to the store, i became more and more aware of what i was doing. How the world as i knew it before was coming to an end. Could i actually go into a store like that and say anything even remotely like that? Would i do that? Had i turned myself over to Her so completely in just one day?
When I first saw the exit coming up on the right, i felt slightly nauseated. What was i doing? Then, i felt excited and my cock moved. A picture formed in my head. me standing at the counter while the two girls talked to each other about me. They were laughing and pointing at me and holding up the things i'd laid on the counter.
i parked the car. i took everything but one-hundred dollars out of my pockets. For some reason, i turned my logo t-shirt inside out. Some shred of sense of privacy i was holding onto. i walked in slowly, remembering the feelings i'd had in the past walking into those types of stores. This was so completely different. When i got in, i looked around. The girl behind the counter said "hello, let me know if i can help you find anything." i lowered my eyes and nodded. That was the first really had realization that this trip was different. In the past, i was buying videos or jerk off toys. This time, i was there to buy things to make me a pretty girl and things to hurt myself with. Any thing i said, any one thing, could tip her off. i tried to build up my courage thinking 'they perobably see this kid of thing all the time'. But i didn't believe it. They saw things, but not this kind of thing. Not a pain slut about to buy the toys the he would be using to abuse himself at the command of a Goddess he'd never met face to face. A male cyberslut, a male cyber-pain-slut.
There was only one other couple in the place. They were looking through the sex toys and videos. i went to the opposite side of the store, hoping they'd leave and nobody else would come in. i walked slowly through the women's sexy clothes. Memories of my walking through there came back. Fantasies i had about the women who would wear them, "if i brought this home, would she put it on?" or "maybe i could get a cyber girlfriend to buy this one and send me a pic."
This time was different. This time, my head was swimming with 'how would i look wearing that?' and 'would my Goddess find that sexy?' It felt strange but i embraced the strange, knowing it was just the beginning. i picked up a few of the packages and looked at prices and sizes. i realized i had no idea how to size these things. i wandered to the S&M toys and found a riding crop. i looked around. Nobody was looking. i whacked my palm. Then i did it again. Bold now, i whacked my leg, the right calf. i pictured myself in my room, later, with the Goddess telling me what to do. my cock stirred.
i looked at the nipple clamps and the like, compared prices, and bought a 3 pack of adjustables with chains, as Goddess had ordered. i looked around the store. The couple were still there, looking at lubes. i went to the anal vibrators. Goddess had send me a link to a specific type and i found it. Sadly, they only stocked one color - a bland grey. She told me to buy a pink or purple one, some girlie color. i had a flash of humiliation again as i decided to ask the girl at the register "do these come in pink?" i went back to the close out bins and found many pieces of women's clothes there. i found a pair of lacy white panties and felt myself getting excited. This was not what i expected. i knew i would like it but i felt myself getting hard. i loved the touch. i couldn't get a picture of myself wearing them but i knew i would love the feel. And i hoped Goddess would find me … i stopped before using the word 'pretty'. 'Attractive' is good enough. i found i was getting more and more excited looking at the various bits of sheer, tight, latex, and other garments. i wished my body was slimmer, like those Asian cross dressers i see on the internet. They pass so easily for girls and i felt a jab of envy. i caught myself. i was taking this too seriously. The sanity didn't last. The envy did.
From that point on, i was a pain slut on a mission. i let myself go then. i went to the dildoes and picked them up, felt their heft, imagined them in my ass. i thought about buying one and riding it on the way home. i took a breath. i had clear instructions.
When the couple finally left, the girl walked over to me. i was standing near the lubricants, about 20 feet from the girl's clothes. i decided to go for it. i said "um…well… ok, my girlfriend has decided we are going to playing some submission games, so she sent me here to … " i paused, watching her. She wasn't responding at all, simply listening. Either being professional or "I've heard it all before." i felt let down somehow. i felt like this was just another customer doing just another thing. i wanted her to look at me the way i felt. i wanted her to laugh and call me a slut. i don't know where it came from but it was powerful. i wanted to shock her.
But no shocking words came. i walked to the wall and pointed at a few things and asked, "do you think that would fit?" She talked about some of the sets and the sizes, calm and helpful. We walked to another wall and showed me a nice 3 piece set. Panties, bra, corset. "Do you want to see it out of the package and judge the size?" she asked. i nodded, demure and still feeling ignored. "So, is she about this size?" she asked.
i realized at that point, she hadn't heard me. Her assumptions had won out over her ears. And i knew exactly what Goddess would want me to do, so i did it, "no, it's for me. Will it fit me?" i asked. She froze. Only for a second or two, but she froze. She finished up the conversation and went back to the register fairly quickly. i walked over and asked her about lubes. She'd regained her composure and went into a sales pitch to upgrade me to a new type. i felt excited. i'd got a reaction. i was a slut! i was a sub! i was a whore!
i chose one of the lubes and we walked to the register. She opened the anal vibe. i folded my hands and dropped my eyes, doing my best to show an embarrassment i didn't really feel. She looked at me. For a second, there was a glimmer of amusement, she looked at me like what i was becoming. i felt like i'd been electrified, it was so fucking hot! She turned on the anal vibe and handed it to me. Our eyes met and i felt it again. She knew, but she was either too blase or professional to really really let on. i felt it, held it tight, made a circle with my finger and pushed it through, handed it back. No real response from her.
That was almost it, i thought. But it wasn't.
One of the sexy things i'd bought was a package with panties, top, and leggings. She said, "did you see that the panties are missing?" i nodded and said quietly, "yes". She looked at me and asked "would you like to take out the other pieces and see them?" i nearly came in my pants, the rush was so strong. She may as well have asked if i wanted to try them on. i turned my head and whispered "no" dramatically, to see what it felt like. It felt good.
Just as she was finishing, another girl came to the register. She was blond, early 20s. She may have been there the whole time or just came on shift. She watched the girl packing things in the bag and gave me a look. my mind flooded with fantasies of the two of them saying things, doing things, making me do things. Nothing happened. The girl who rang me up started a conversation with the blond girl.
i was so so dedicated to being humiliated, i invented one more assignment. "Excuse me," i said. She stopped and they both turned and stared. i chickened out and instead of "my Goddess" or even "my Mistress", i said, "my girlfriend wants to make sure I didn't send someone else to buy this, so would you please sign the receipt "purchased by Jake". They looked at each other, puzzled. i wished they'd laughed. She signed it and handed it to me. It felt wonderfully humiliating. They were silent as i walked to the door. i turned around and saw they were both staring. i wished they'd said more.
To begin with, i spent the day with my cock and balls pulled through the front of my briefs. It felt amazing. Even better because i knew i was doing it for Her. i was allowed to use the toilet in the morning, but not after twelve noon. i also did not eat anything all day. The Goddess wanted me clean through and through.
When work was finished, i had two events to attend. Goddess knew that She would not be in direct contact with me until after nine p.m. i attended both events with my cock and balls exposed in the same way. By six p.m., i felt the stirrings in my bladder. By the time i was able to make contact at nine-thirty, i felt dangerously close to pissing myself.
Goddess ignored my pleas to use the toilet. She instructed me that i was to purchase some things at an adult book store. Pretty panties, a vibrating butt plug, nipple clamps, and a riding crop. And "anything else that is either very pretty or that I can use to cause you pain." i was excited and scared but knew i would comply.
The girls at the local stores know me and so i didn't want to shop there. i asked Goddess is it was all right for me to drive to a different one, about thirty miles from my home. She granted me permission with conditions. First, i was to go as quickly as possible so She would have the maximum time to play with Her toy when i got back home. Second, i was not to be allowed to piss until i finished shopping and returned home.
This scared me and i begged her to allow me to negotiate. i offered to change into the panties at the store if i could use their toilet. She said "no". i then asked if i could say something embarrassing to the clerks and earn my toilet that way. She agreed. If i told them that i was buying pretty things for myself because i am a pain slut and My Goddess sent me, i could use their toilet.
As i drove to the store, i became more and more aware of what i was doing. How the world as i knew it before was coming to an end. Could i actually go into a store like that and say anything even remotely like that? Would i do that? Had i turned myself over to Her so completely in just one day?
When I first saw the exit coming up on the right, i felt slightly nauseated. What was i doing? Then, i felt excited and my cock moved. A picture formed in my head. me standing at the counter while the two girls talked to each other about me. They were laughing and pointing at me and holding up the things i'd laid on the counter.
i parked the car. i took everything but one-hundred dollars out of my pockets. For some reason, i turned my logo t-shirt inside out. Some shred of sense of privacy i was holding onto. i walked in slowly, remembering the feelings i'd had in the past walking into those types of stores. This was so completely different. When i got in, i looked around. The girl behind the counter said "hello, let me know if i can help you find anything." i lowered my eyes and nodded. That was the first really had realization that this trip was different. In the past, i was buying videos or jerk off toys. This time, i was there to buy things to make me a pretty girl and things to hurt myself with. Any thing i said, any one thing, could tip her off. i tried to build up my courage thinking 'they perobably see this kid of thing all the time'. But i didn't believe it. They saw things, but not this kind of thing. Not a pain slut about to buy the toys the he would be using to abuse himself at the command of a Goddess he'd never met face to face. A male cyberslut, a male cyber-pain-slut.
There was only one other couple in the place. They were looking through the sex toys and videos. i went to the opposite side of the store, hoping they'd leave and nobody else would come in. i walked slowly through the women's sexy clothes. Memories of my walking through there came back. Fantasies i had about the women who would wear them, "if i brought this home, would she put it on?" or "maybe i could get a cyber girlfriend to buy this one and send me a pic."
This time was different. This time, my head was swimming with 'how would i look wearing that?' and 'would my Goddess find that sexy?' It felt strange but i embraced the strange, knowing it was just the beginning. i picked up a few of the packages and looked at prices and sizes. i realized i had no idea how to size these things. i wandered to the S&M toys and found a riding crop. i looked around. Nobody was looking. i whacked my palm. Then i did it again. Bold now, i whacked my leg, the right calf. i pictured myself in my room, later, with the Goddess telling me what to do. my cock stirred.
i looked at the nipple clamps and the like, compared prices, and bought a 3 pack of adjustables with chains, as Goddess had ordered. i looked around the store. The couple were still there, looking at lubes. i went to the anal vibrators. Goddess had send me a link to a specific type and i found it. Sadly, they only stocked one color - a bland grey. She told me to buy a pink or purple one, some girlie color. i had a flash of humiliation again as i decided to ask the girl at the register "do these come in pink?" i went back to the close out bins and found many pieces of women's clothes there. i found a pair of lacy white panties and felt myself getting excited. This was not what i expected. i knew i would like it but i felt myself getting hard. i loved the touch. i couldn't get a picture of myself wearing them but i knew i would love the feel. And i hoped Goddess would find me … i stopped before using the word 'pretty'. 'Attractive' is good enough. i found i was getting more and more excited looking at the various bits of sheer, tight, latex, and other garments. i wished my body was slimmer, like those Asian cross dressers i see on the internet. They pass so easily for girls and i felt a jab of envy. i caught myself. i was taking this too seriously. The sanity didn't last. The envy did.
From that point on, i was a pain slut on a mission. i let myself go then. i went to the dildoes and picked them up, felt their heft, imagined them in my ass. i thought about buying one and riding it on the way home. i took a breath. i had clear instructions.
When the couple finally left, the girl walked over to me. i was standing near the lubricants, about 20 feet from the girl's clothes. i decided to go for it. i said "um…well… ok, my girlfriend has decided we are going to playing some submission games, so she sent me here to … " i paused, watching her. She wasn't responding at all, simply listening. Either being professional or "I've heard it all before." i felt let down somehow. i felt like this was just another customer doing just another thing. i wanted her to look at me the way i felt. i wanted her to laugh and call me a slut. i don't know where it came from but it was powerful. i wanted to shock her.
But no shocking words came. i walked to the wall and pointed at a few things and asked, "do you think that would fit?" She talked about some of the sets and the sizes, calm and helpful. We walked to another wall and showed me a nice 3 piece set. Panties, bra, corset. "Do you want to see it out of the package and judge the size?" she asked. i nodded, demure and still feeling ignored. "So, is she about this size?" she asked.
i realized at that point, she hadn't heard me. Her assumptions had won out over her ears. And i knew exactly what Goddess would want me to do, so i did it, "no, it's for me. Will it fit me?" i asked. She froze. Only for a second or two, but she froze. She finished up the conversation and went back to the register fairly quickly. i walked over and asked her about lubes. She'd regained her composure and went into a sales pitch to upgrade me to a new type. i felt excited. i'd got a reaction. i was a slut! i was a sub! i was a whore!
i chose one of the lubes and we walked to the register. She opened the anal vibe. i folded my hands and dropped my eyes, doing my best to show an embarrassment i didn't really feel. She looked at me. For a second, there was a glimmer of amusement, she looked at me like what i was becoming. i felt like i'd been electrified, it was so fucking hot! She turned on the anal vibe and handed it to me. Our eyes met and i felt it again. She knew, but she was either too blase or professional to really really let on. i felt it, held it tight, made a circle with my finger and pushed it through, handed it back. No real response from her.
That was almost it, i thought. But it wasn't.
One of the sexy things i'd bought was a package with panties, top, and leggings. She said, "did you see that the panties are missing?" i nodded and said quietly, "yes". She looked at me and asked "would you like to take out the other pieces and see them?" i nearly came in my pants, the rush was so strong. She may as well have asked if i wanted to try them on. i turned my head and whispered "no" dramatically, to see what it felt like. It felt good.
Just as she was finishing, another girl came to the register. She was blond, early 20s. She may have been there the whole time or just came on shift. She watched the girl packing things in the bag and gave me a look. my mind flooded with fantasies of the two of them saying things, doing things, making me do things. Nothing happened. The girl who rang me up started a conversation with the blond girl.
i was so so dedicated to being humiliated, i invented one more assignment. "Excuse me," i said. She stopped and they both turned and stared. i chickened out and instead of "my Goddess" or even "my Mistress", i said, "my girlfriend wants to make sure I didn't send someone else to buy this, so would you please sign the receipt "purchased by Jake". They looked at each other, puzzled. i wished they'd laughed. She signed it and handed it to me. It felt wonderfully humiliating. They were silent as i walked to the door. i turned around and saw they were both staring. i wished they'd said more.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Little Pain Fuck Whore
I've felt bored the past few days so I
decided to find something to play with. A nice little piece of pain
meat presented itself to me and I decided to indulge myself. I didn't
think he would obey and follow thru with what I told him to do, but I
was mildly impressed with his desire to please me. I make him call me
his Goddess. He has turned into my little pain fuck whore.
I put him thru some rather harsh orders
after he said he thought about having his ass beat while doing
dishes. Last night he had clothes pins on his scrotum and nipples. I
made him ride a wooden horse, grinding his worthless ass and ball
sack against the edge of a wooden chair. There were ball smacks, tied
up balls and cock and prolonged orgasm denial.
I was amused. So when I had a number of
emails from him this morning I decided to see just what he would
really do to please me. He was only allowed to pee once this morning,
smacking his balls 5 times before and after. Then he went about his
day stewing in his thoughts.
This evening he messaged me and told me
he was 15 minutes from an adult store so I decided to give him a
shopping list.
Vibrating anal plug in pink or purple
or some girlie color
Nipple clamps with connecting chain
Riding crop
A pair of girlie panties. The girlier
the better
I told him if he found anything else
that he thought would please his Goddess he should also purchase it.
He then started begging to be allowed
to relieve himself. Saying that if he were to wear the girlie panties
home if then I would allow him to piss. I agreed to those terms and
told him if he didn't find any that he would just have to suffer on
the drive home. The little slut started begging more saying he would
never make it home. I decided to be so nice to him. I told him if
when he was making his purchases he told the cashier that he was
buying these items to go home and be a little pain whore for his
Goddess that he would be allowed to piss.
He had to do all of this with his
worthless cock and balls pulled thru his underwear so they were
rubbing against his jeans while he walked thru the store.
He's been told to make a report of his
shopping trip.
Then he gets to suffer for my enjoyment simply because
I'm bored.
Tiffany
XXXX
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)