Blog post Anne 4
[from anne, October 21, 5:54 p.m.]
Master David and The Circle,
As my first official day of the 14 began I was both extremely excited and horribly nervous. I did not know what to expect and worried that my actions would not be pleasing to Master David or The Circle. When I woke up and read what I was instructed to do I was terrified. I have never had someone control ever aspect of my life as Master David would be doing. I did not know if I could successfully carry out his orders and I was sick with fear of what might happen if I were to disappoint him. I was determined to do exactly as he ordered.
The morning was the most difficult for me. It is a major change to my normal routine. All I wanted to do was to go to my own bathroom but I knew that I would not fail so easily. I had errands to do in the morning and I tried to concentrate on getting those things done. It was very difficult. I was constantly reminded of my position and my impending great humiliation. I was not as productive as I had hoped and fell behind on my to do list for the morning. The constant struggle to not use the bathroom was very difficult and sometimes painful. It was an endless reminder of what I will become.
It was finally noon and I was allowed to use the bathroom. I stopped at a restaurant and used their restroom. I followed Master David's instructions for using the bathroom and felt a mix of happiness and pleasure for following his orders and extreme humiliation and fear. I quickly completed my task and left as soon as I could. After I left I knew that the next time I went to that restaurant that I would be reminded of my place and of my humiliation.
My afternoon was spent at home completing weekend tasks and a few projects that Master David had instructed me to do. One task was the editing and cleaning up of our chat log which forced me to read and re-read our conversation over and over, making me relive every second of humiliation and pleasure. It amazes me what power words on a screen can have. Another task was my introduction email to The Circle. As I was writing and re-writing the email I was constantly thinking if I would be pleasing and adequate to the members of The Circle. I still hope that I can please every member now and in the coming days.
I was also instructed to watch two videos and contemplate what clues they may give me about my future. The videos made me think of Master David's comment about needing someone to administer my pain. Putting myself in the place of the sub getting her titties smacked made me soaking wet almost instantly. I could not believe the effect it had on me. The video where the sub was pierced on her cunt and nipples more times than I could count terrified me. I was shaking with fear not knowing what Master David had in mind for me.
I have only masturbated while watching the videos as instructed. My schedule today made it difficult to find time to indulge selfish needs. While I was told that I should indulge myself and masturbate when I wanted I have not allowed myself to cum. Master David's instructions were to masturbate and I did not want to disobey his wishes because I could not show self restraint.
This evening I carried out my requirements for using the bathroom. I went to a gas station and followed his instructions exactly. I felt dirty and useless while following his instructions. I left as soon as I had gotten dressed and cried as I drove home. Knowing that it is something inside me that makes me want to do what Master David tells me to is a difficult thing to understand at times. But I know that for 14 days I will do as I'm told.
After composing myself when I returned home I tried to finish my to do list for the day. The entire night I have thought of my place and my reactions to the day's events. I am both aroused and stunned by my total willingness to please Master David.
I hope that Master David and The Circle finds my report adequate.
I have attached the photo for your enjoyment.
anne
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